well i stayed up really late last night or really early (depending on how u wanna look at it) trying to think of exactly i am going to say to james about ED on saturday....i dont really think that there is an easy way to tell someone this...so im just gonna come right out with it and tell him about how its affected me, my time in the hospital, and about my routine that i must perform....and i imagine that he will try to stick around and be understanding in the beginning just as the others did....and then just like the others, it will get to him and put a huge strain on the relationship and he will leave me to seek a more normal relationship with stressors that are more common and familiarand if the above happens, then it happens...i am not going to change to make him stay...im not going to change for him, im not gonna change for my dad, im not gonna change for my doctor, im not gonna change for anybody....im gonna change for me....when im good and ready...and right now, im not ready.....i still very much tied to my ED and im not ready to give it up....my mind is still deluded into thinking that i am getting more from my ED than it is taking from me....and right now, im ok with that...its comfortable and familiar in a world that is confusing and scary
Replies
I\'m proud that you refuse to change for anyone- you are the most important person in this relationship. :) I hope James is that diamond in the rough because you deserve someone special. :)
ur right i feel the same way. i dont want to change for others i want to change for me. i support ur decision but i also want u to be okay.
im very glad that youve made that decision, its something that takes alot of maturity and courage to only be yourself for yourself and not change for anybody - thats a really admirable quality and i wish i was more like that. fingers crossed for the best with james -im sure it will work out fine.
all my love
xoxox ;)
I know how you feel girl. And honestly, I finally came out and told my mom about it, and it wasn\'t as horrible as I thought it was going to be. It\'s hard trying to make someone understand, but keep trying girl. It will get easier. And if he loves you like it sounds like he does, he will stick around and be understanding. And if not, you\'ve got us here, always. I hope it goes well, my fingers are crossed for you.
in a strange and confusing way, that makes a lot of sense :)
its so great that you have such confidence to be yourself and understand that changing for someone else wont work. youre so right, u need to change for u. i hope everything works out
lots of love
caitlin