this is going to sound so sick a twisted but alas, this is my journal and i will say what is on my mind.....i have realized that in a way, i DO miss the inpatient hospital stay and the partial hospital stay.....i dont miss the weight gain....but i do miss being around people who know what the fuck im going through...i miss eating food and not having a say in the matter...i miss sitting down and not having to situate myself so that my ass bones dont hurt me......i miss not being cold ALL of the time...i miss having a tiny bit of curves (but not enough to want to gain weight)...i miss my family's support....i miss feeling like my dad loved meand dont anyone suggest that i go back to the hospital...i cannot and will not....while i liked giving up control...i hated giving up control...and i dont wanna have to render that all over again...i dont liek the feeling of just sitting around gaining weight...just constantly consuming and needing...although i do miss not having to worry about anything such as calories/school/life dramas/work....all of that was out of my control and it was a relief and a pain all at the same time....i dont know if im making sense....but that is one thing about this site...just like the hospital, i am surrounded by people who know how im feeling...sure, i cannot reach out and touch them, but they are here...and i love them
Replies
Makes sense to me. It would be nice in a way to have everything taken care of and be surrounded by people going through the same thing. I\'ve often wanted to be in inpatient myself for some of the same reasons. Normal thoughts.
Everything you say makes perfect sense to me. Just don\'t give up. Please find out you need to do to start back on the healthy trail.
I totally understand what you are saying, even though I have never been into treatment.
yeahh...yuur feelings are so right..and it doesnt sound wrong or sick or twisted at all.
i understand what you mean. i use to miss the hospital. like i would go back the second anyone suggested it. now i\'m sick of the hospital. i hate it. but i still understand. it\'s not sick or twisted girl, not at all. there are a lot of people that feel and think the exact same thing. not being allowed to kill ourselves, well, it\'s a wonderful thing!
I think how you feel is absolutely natural. I think that you benefit from the honesty about your feelings. The more you listen to your feelings (in the way you are doing so here) and the less you allow yourself to be defined by your eating disorder the better. The hospital sounds like a really safe place for you. I guess that now it is a matter of trying to find a way that you can protect yourself in the way the hospital protected you? I think that coming here is a great start.
YES!!!!!!! I love to hear you talking about the things you miss. That\'s the Missy voice I\'m talking about. I can hear you now. XOXOXO