in today's news....i got the job! i am now a teacher's assistant at a preschool/day care! lol the title sounds so much better than ice cream scooper which im doing currently.....i start the 1st week of october...im so good at getting what i want...which makes me wonder if when i get to a place where im certain i wanna let go of my ED, will it happen then?...i have everything going for me...i have a great bf, the best bff, im in my 3rd yr of college, i have a job (so i have a cashflow), yet im not happy! i hang onto the one thing that keeps me miserable because a part of me likes me to suffer immensely........well in other news...i got a parking ticket today...lol 2nd one in my life...o well...$20...not gonna break me...last news item...my sister and i dyed our hair tonight...she went lighter with highlights, and i went darker....i like it...not black dark but nice dark =)i have the hardest time convincing myself that i AM sick...i am so USED to being this way...it FEELS normal...im getting TOO skinny again...my bmi is 16....but im addicted to my ED...im in a place where id rather be losing weight than gaining it...cuz the whole world frowns on weight gain...its taboo to gain weight...thinking about gaining weight brings the words...hefer, fat pig, lazy, out of control, indulgence, and fatass to my mind......i was listening to the radio on the way to school this morning and i was singing along to a song i really like called beautiful mess...and i got to thinking about how much it relates to me and my ED....ill put the lyrics in here...they all ring so true...except for the i need to shave line....but i feel as though im singing this to my ED everyday of my damn life!Going out of my mind these days,Like I'm walking 'round in a haze.I can't think straight, I can't concentrate,and I need to shave.I go to work and I look tired.The boss man said, "Son, you're gonna get fired. This ain't your style."And behind my coffee cup I just smiled.What a beautiful mess, what a beautiful mess I'm in.Spending all of my time with you, there's nothing else I'd rather do.What a sweet addiction that I'm caught up in, 'cause I can't get enough.Can't stop the hunger for your love, what a beautiful, what a beautifulmess I'm in.This morning put salt in my coffee. I put my shoes on the wrong feet(I'm losing my mind I swear). It might be the death of me, but I don'tcare.What a beautiful mess, what a beautiful mess I'm in.Spending all of my time with you, there's nothing else I'd rather do.What a sweet addiction that I'm caught up in 'cause I can't get enough.Can't stop the hunger for your love, what a beautiful, what a beautifulmess I'm in.
Replies
Way to go on the job!!!! I\'m proud of you! I\"m sorry about the ticket. Things happen I guess. I\'m glad you made a change you\'re happy with. Change can be a good thing. Have a great weekend, and again, CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!
Congrats on the job! You are going to need lots of energy though to work in a day care. I used to be a lead teacher in a day care before I had kids, then I worked in an elementary school for a year as an art teacher. You are going to have to let go of your ED and eat more so you have energy. The title might sound nicer then an ice cream scooper, but it is alot more challenging.
the song is so true to me too. thanks for sharing it. congrats on the job.
hmm well tht job sounds kool i could do with a job like tht since im gna be a teacher 1 day!
beautiful mess, sweet addiction, what an oxymoron this disease is. It\'s so true. Too bad all the wonderful things about being thin landed my bony ass in rehab. I\'m so happy you are a teacher\'s assistant. I wish I had a job that was rewarding like that. You are such a great girl. You deserve the best in the world. XOXOXOXOXOXO
I can just picture you on he floor with kids jumping all over your skinny body. Love the song. I used to think if evrything was the way I thought it should be, Abe would go away or I would kick him out, but my expectations are always so high that I never get to that place. I know now that I need to kick him out because he is abusive.