121.5..........6 ft tall and 121.5 lbs.......was 123......before that 124.5......my body loves to jump down 1.5 lbs at a time i guess....so after weighing myself this morning, i was in the shower thinking to myself..."missy eat more! u can do it! no one else needs to know u did it!....but i'll know i did it....and it will make me miserable...u don't need the food....yes u do...ur losing weight! look at u...wasting away....but i guess losing weight is better than gaining it and getting fat right?"......wow im surprised i havent caused myself to completely lose my mind because of all of these conflicting thoughts....i really wanna eat more to stop my weight loss....but i dont wanna actually have to eat the food to do it.....and dont anyone suggest ensure or any other form or liquid calories...i will NOT drink my caloriesi've got an interview on Wednesday for the day care center...to be a teacher's assistant...i think the job is as good as mine....im good at putting on a show and impressing people when need be

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

I think you need to get some help. I know how strong of a hold ED has and how hard it is to break it but if you don\'t you will die..... I don\'t want to lose you!
deleted_user
deleted_user

I don\'t have any advice, can you believe it??? I just know I feel the same way all the time. Good luck in your interview! I\'ll be wishing for you. XOXOXOXOXOXOXO
deleted_user
deleted_user

I feel the same way about liquid calories, but sometimes they are just necessary. Please reach out someway- you are such a great person, and so smart.
deleted_user
deleted_user

you have been there for me so now it is my turn. you need to get help. i hope you get the job but you won\'t have the energy to do it or enjoy it. i am really struggling myself. i knew coming out of treatment would be hard but i never thought it would be a nightmare. i have already lost 7 pounds since i have gotten home. ED is a hard one to beat but i know or atleast hope it is beatable. you can do this my friend, i know you can.
deleted_user
deleted_user

good luckk withh the interview hun!
but i really want yuu to eat!i cant tell yuu to eat and i never will butyuu can do it..it has to bee one of the scariest things but inn the longg run its good for yuu..has hard ahs that is to believe.
deleted_user
deleted_user

It\'s hard for me to believe that I was once in the same place you are now, but I was (97lbs and 5\'9\"); I actually thought my friends were offering me nutrition advice in the hope that I would get as fat as they were! It was so tiring being that paranoid and obsessed all of the time! I still take care of myself, exercise and eat right...but I have the energy to enjoy my life, my job, and my family; it\'s wonderful! I wish the same for you with all of my heart! I hope that somewhere inside of you or in your life, you find the thing that pushes you to make positive and healthy changes so that you can enjoy your life as well!