20 hrs......i go 20 hrs everyday without eating....then i FORCE myself to eat something...i'm not hungry at the end of 20 hrs...i just do it cuz i know i'm supposed to....i don't eat enough....but at least it's better than nothing...i often wonder how long i could go without food...i honestly believe that given my drive...if i were to play this sick game with myself to see how long i could go without eating something...that i would go til i died...i know that i wouldn't give in...that is y i choose not to test the waters and try this outthe day care Tiny Town called me today and left a message for me...i'm gonna call them back first thing on Monday...i think i've got myself an interview....i don't like children much...but i can pretend...a job's a job....i'm also a little afraid of the lunchtime/snacks thing...i hope i'm not expected to partake with the kids...i know that when i went to fill out my application, one of the women there was going on her lunch break...and she ate her lunch while i filled out my application...so i know that we don't eat lunch with them...but i don't know about snacks...eek! my bff tracy's parents are going out of town! needless to say, my bf james and i are taking up residence at her house tomorrow night! woo hoo....i love tracy for letting me have him over when her parents are out of town...party at tracy's! lol....although, my eating suffers when i go off of my routine...i don't care....if i eat less than the tiny amount that i'm already eating for one day...then so be it...i won't die because of itu know what i've noticed? fat is a FEELING for me...it's not a REALITY....i tend to FEEL fat although in my rational mind i know that i am a rail........grrr...when did my feelings get so fucked up?
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Your feelings got messed up as soon as you found ED..... I hope you have a blast @ Tracy\'s! Try and eat a bit while you are there just so you aren\'t too tired to enjoy yourself.
lol - thats so funny about the not liking children thing. sorry it humours me a bit. i loved the \"i can pretend for a job\" bit/. lol. funniest thing i have heard all week by far. i know what you mean about the feeling thing. even though im not annorexic, i can get my weight really low with my bulimia, i have been underweight several times or even when recovered and being normal - it just hits me, this feeling of FAT and its all i can think, eat (purge), breath, dream- swallow, think somemore, eat some more, purge some more - you know where im going with this, the cycyle (as vicious as it is) goes on and on and on) self purpetuating thing that it is
none the less have a fantastic weekend at tracys
sounds like fun
try not to let your eating suffer though
lots of love and luck
ninny1
I\'m really sad that you are like this, because I remember when I was like that too. Are you seeing a councilor? If you ever want to get out of that cycle all you have to do is get yourself set up with one. Chances are that you would most likely die because of not eating, because not consuming much food for such a long time puts your body into shock, it technically is working like you were hibernating. Malnutrition is a real danger for you, so lookout. Please stay in touch, I\'m worried about you.