i feel as though i am in official ED limbo....not quite in love with my disorder...but not quite ready to part with it...i feel as though i am standing next to my disorder most of the time...and then every so often ill take a step towards the other unknown door...only to quickly rush back to the "safety" of ANAi have this major love hate relationship with food...i hate that i love it (shhh dont anyone tell anybody that i do love food...i love the way it tastes, the way it feels, and the energy it provides...but that's our little secret k?)....and i love that i hate food....how i can deny myself it and therefore not allow it to warp my body into a blubbery massi hate how i cannot have any ailment whatsoever without it being linked to my ED....my sister was in a piss ant mood today so she was looking to start a fight cuz it makes her happy....so i was sitting there doing a crossword puzzle...and she was like "missy y do u have that look on ur face? it looks like ur constipated"...she said this to bait me into a fight...i didnt bite...so then when my dad walks into the kitchen jen says "dad, help missy, she's constipated" to which he responded with "how can someone be constipated when they dont eat anything?"....my mom responded similarly when my sister told her that i was o so constipated.....i got ticked and told jen that my bodily functions are just fine and thanked her for her concern...then i told her to grow up.....she then told me that im a slut.....which seems to be what she really believes me to be (but im not!).....then later she spit on my foot (who does that?!?!?!?), threw a piece of a peach at me (maybe adding to my aversion to food?!?!?), and shoved her boogers in my face after she blew her nose...and i think i got some of them on my chin.......i wanted to kick her ass...but that is what she was looking for...a reaction...therefore she got nothing from me whatsoever