one thing i truly hate about this disorder is how i'll have like one or two days where i REALLY REALLY want to get better....and i cry, and then make myself feel better by assuring myself that YES, this time i WILL get better.......then the tears dry, and i run back into the arms of ED where i feel safe...and i stay there for a long while...until another one of those one of two day spurts happenanother thing that i notice and that makes me laugh when i do...is how clueless people are to what they put into their mouths...like the other day, this woman came to my work and wanted to order chicken fingers, but then decided not to when she found out that they were fried...so she ordered a hot dog and fries instead....um hello lady french FRIES...wow.....or the other day, i stopped to buy a phone card...and i saw this bigger lady coming out of subway carrying a bag wiht her sub in it, and a bag of fat free chips....kind of made me laugh...i dont know but seeing bigger people wiht diet foods kind of makes me proud that i have obtained what they want so much to have....bad i know...but i guess seeing other people struggle with trying to lose weight kind of strokes my ED
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I so glad you said what you did at the end of this. I\'ve been thinking similar things. About how you watching people struggle to lose weight adds to your ED. I\'m the opposite of you - as I\'m the compulsive overeater. I come on here to listen to other exactly like me with over eating disorders, but I get motivated from hearing about anorexia and horribly think to myself that I wish I could be like that. I wish I could just stop eating. If anyone agrees or thinks I\'m totally horrible, let me know.
yuppyupp.i do the sameee thing.i think \'i will change.and make myself change my ed ways.\'and then i go right back to them the next day.its crazys and hard to stop...honestly,i dont know how.
and i also agree...i think its so dumb what ppl eat..i mean i know that i eat unhealthy foods when i binge but sum food is just of limits..i have good and bad foods in my mind and ppl just eat so much of the bad food it makes me go \'wtf?\'
I understand... it gives you this ego-boosting sense of self-control. This is why I stuggle so hard with leaving bulimia without going back to anorexia. Argh. You can\'t win with an ED.
omg- yes. thats it in a nutshell for me too - every single word of it rings true for me. except i\'ve sort of got a warped version of the end bit which tends to set me off a bit. whenever i see fat people - im the same it strokes my e.d in the worst sort of way (im a little proud, releived i have an e.d so i dont end up like that -at least initially) and im happy for about 1 minitue- in my little e.d utopia of comparrison borne of the most screwed up thoughts. and then suddenly something snaps and i imagine trying to put on their clothes (even if that person is obese) and i can\'t get into them because there way too small and i waaaaay freak out. its what keeps me home alot because i end up catching public transport to often and i know that will set me off.
now that ive rambled though
how are you doing
no more uncomfotable episodes at the pharmacy i trust.
hope your well.
lots of love
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