o taffy on a stick! my weight is now 124.5 and im 6ft tall...what's my bmi?.......shit shit shit shit shit........i was 127 a few days ago it seems...y must my body be so dumb? cant it just cling to calories for dear frikin life?!?!?!?!?! geez...how inefficient of it to expect me to feed it more well i started college at UB today...it went alright...i met new people and even made a new friend...but i guess when u go to new schools all ur life...making new friends comes as second nature...but alas...c'est la vie! i told james on the phone last night that i was a tad nervous about starting school today...he reassured me that it would be ok (which i knew that once i got to school that it would be alright but i needed someone to reassure me in the moment)...and then he told me to call him in between my classes if i got a chance and if i needed to talk to someone.......what a sweetie....i woke up to a text this morning wishing me good luck and telling me that all would be okim so confused about my ED...alot of days i just wanna be left alone with it...to suffer and be thin....but there are days like saturday when i bawl my eyes out because i want so badly to change....but then it seems like as soon as i get all of that emotion out and the tears stop...then so does my motivation to change...right now i am so back and forth back and forth...and we all know what happens when u keep bending something back and forth...eventually...it snaps
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hey hang in there maybe start journaling too and get a plan to eat a lil more each day
\"im so confused about my ED...alot of days i just wanna be left alone with it...to suffer and be thin....but there are days like saturday when i bawl my eyes out because i want so badly to change....but then it seems like as soon as i get all of that emotion out and the tears stop...then so does my motivation to change...right now i am so back and forth back and forth..\"
That is exactly how I feel. I couldnt have said it better myself.
\"Well, if you\'re not happy, then you must change something in order to have any chance of obtaining happiness. I need my family. I want to be accepted by my family. I feel like the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results each time? Well for 5 years I think I\'ve been insane.\" That is a quote from guess who?? YOU!! And that was yesterday. The bending back and forth? Willing, unwilling, willing, unwilling. When you are willing to change you can\'t just stop there. You have to move forward and make a decision to believe. Follow the yellow brick road. I love you. XOXOXOXO
just to let you know i am home from treatment. i totally understand everything that you are saying. one minute i am so motivated and then the next i struggle. we can do this. i am here for you always.
I feel like I know you from yourjournal and because we share the same thoughts and feelings so I know you want to change. We are all a little bit insane but ED makes us totally, 100% crazy. It\'s ok to feel confused. I do all the time, but if I really listen to Joanne, I do want to change more than anything. I am at the point where I just need to throw caution to the wind and follow the yellow brick road. The fact that you are having so much conflict means you are there also. Love ya!!!
hun yuur body can only cling onto cals. if tere are cals. to cling onto.yuu havee to eat alittle!
and i underdstand what yuu mean aout yuur chaning in how yuu want yuu ed to bee seen.yuu want to be left alone or yuu just want comfort...and that normal..at those times,call a friend and talk to them...but try and explain the fact that maybee next timee yuu wont feel the same way...they may be annoyed or frustarted but its hard to understand..
I understand. I was like that with drugs and alcohol, but like I said before, you really have to do it. You really have to change your eating habits, even if it\'s a bit. You\'ll feel so good... Maybe not right now doing it, but you will. I haven\'t gained any weight, but I eat a little more. I\'m deathly afraid of all this yes, but I feel so much better that i\'m probably doing more activity which, in return, I am buring those extra calories I took in!