u know what? i dont trust people...people tell me things and promise me things that just dont happen...i have been promised things all my life and have been told things all my life that arent true...i have been promised trips to paris, and florida....neither of which i have seen....i have been told by a (now EX) bf that he was in love wiht me......where is he now? dating some skanky bitch......i just wanna be able to trust...but people keep making this hard for me to do....grrr...guess thats y i love my ED....it IS there for me...and it does keep its promises.....it promises me control and thinness...both of which are present in my life at the moment.......alright...i have a ritual...i mainly only eat at night....so this cuts off a social life for me most of the time....i was invited to go night swimming tonight....but i said no because if i did go then i would end up not eating...and im not stupid...i know my body needs something in it.....but i didnt tell my friend that...i told him that i was exhausted so i didnt wanna leave my house to go swimming......another blah day.....i hate when people sit there and talk about how they can feel themselves gaining weight.....god, this just makes ED thrive...making me glad that im not eating the food and gaining the weightand also, i was watching degrassi the next generation last night (i know i know degrassi? but i love it even though its dorky)...and it was the episode where Emma develops an ED.....and OF COURSE she passes out after a few days of it.......grrr...this makes me so mad....these things dont really happen that quickly....i know that htey have to fit it into 30 min but still...cmon people! i saw a full house where DJ wanted to lose weight ASAP so she began not eating and exercising alot....and she passed out after like a day......dang what lightweights (not literally...cuz thats the reason thye started these behaviors)....i have been this way for almost 5 yrs...and NOT ONCE have i passed out......and i also hate how quickly they get over their EDs....gee...maybe we should all get onto a TV series.....then maybe we would be healed for good!
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Yeah, the reality tv show called, The Ed\'s of the Ds Website. HA. I\'m kidding, but I totally get what you are saying there. Degrassi rocks! I like the old 80s ones the best. I have watched a few episodes of the new ones, but it\'s not something I tune into all the time. I watch sports and sopranos and that\'s about it.
I know what you mean about eating at night. I usally have some small things at night because i\'m by myself, and I can just relax in peace, and pick apart my food and enjoy it however I want it. I don\'t like doing things after i\'ve eaten to because I feel so guilty. I ate some carrots and a small piece of cake my mom left, and I feel bad. I hate that. I bought some shit I wanted to cook up tonight because I was actually going to eat a full dinner, well that didn\'t end up happening.
Anyways... Today when alana drove me home her friend was saying OMG I couldn\'t find a bathing suit, I have gained so much weight from not smoking. I just quit two weeks now, and I was thinking omg don\'t eat, don\'t eat. I understand what you were sayin\' there!
I got over my trusting issues with just trusting. If they fuck me around, i\'m gone. So far... No friends... *laughs*. Seriously, people are lying bastards, and you\'ll find someone, even if it\'s another girl, that you can be yourself with. I\'ve been hurt so many times in so many bad ways, you have no idea...... But.. you have to take small steps and just go for it two feet in. You take control.. If someone pisses me off or isn\'t a friend I want to have then fuck them. I\'ve become a harsh bitch that way, but fuck them, I don\'t want their negative shit onto my life, ya know? How are you to find anyone if you just don\'t get out? Like I said.. You be the one to take control, not them.
I know it\'s so lonley.... I know so well.... But I promise things do get better. It has for me, and I didn\'t even think that was possible. I thought I was just far to gone, but I was wrong!
I know i\'m a internet friend, but i\'ll be always here as long as you want me to be.
yeah.i know what its like not to trust people at all.thats me.but i thinkk that yuu may bee rite aboutt yuur ed and it can \"keep promises\" but they seem to make yuu only moree upsett.maybee its okay to have the ed break its promise.
&&omg.i agree wit yuu totally.ed\'s on shows are behond wrong.the show them terriblely and they faint.go to the hospital.and get healed.hellooo?never happened that quickly.also they just show small parts of eds and usally only anorexia.they are annoying.
mm...u may have hit something in that first paragrapg I haven\'t thought of before.
Agreed about the lame ass generalization Hollywood ED, designed to stear upcoming teens away from forming ED\'s...like seeing that would help them.
That\'s why I keep Ae around. He never fails to keep HIS promises. I know he will always be there for me. Of course, his promises are not the best. I usually only eat at night too. I t makes having any social life impossible and puts a huge strain on the family life. We wne to IHop yesterday and I had water while Noah and PV inhaled eggs and pancakes. Noah was like \"mom, why don\'t you join the family and have a great breakfast.\" I felt horrible and like a loser. I will eat out before the end of the year!!!
I\'m sorry so many people have let you down. There will always be broken promises, but hopefully they will be less and less for you now. You really deserve to be happy. I know what you mean about people trivializing eds and making them seem like you develop them quickly and get over them quickly....not the case. Have a good day. Hugs!
I lost my best friend last year because I overstepped a boundary. She will never accept my apology, and won\'t speak to me. Ed kicked in fierce, and I clung to him as the destructive abusive \"friend\" who will love me no matter what. I am afraid of being hurt like that again, so I can\'t allow myself to get too close to people. I think that\'s part of the reason I left this site. \"Let me dump you first before you see me for who I really am and dump me\" Trust is huge.
I also remember that full house episode. They have to cram an ED, recovery, and sixteen junk food commercials in half an hour. What a joke. XOXOXOXO
try eating more than just at night? even though i know myself how that\'s a hard thing to do.
and you really have to watch your back. some people just aren\'t..\"good.\" i don\'t understand most people and how they can lie and cheat and all that. i\'ve always been the sensitive girl that only will make promises that i can keep. that gives anyone a shot at being my friend. but i\'ve been walked allll over because of that. so it sucks to have to watch people and watch my back..to not give my heart out fully to them in the beginning..but it\'s what you HAVE to do these days...
again, i\'m gonna suggest boost and/or ensure during the day. it doesn\'t actually require eating, so it may help.
Hey why would you have ED be there for you when you can have more positive things in your life that complete you as a person and make you feel good. I feel like you really don\'t like ED but find comfort in it but sometimes we have to get out of that comfort zone face the hard challenge to finally feel what it is like to be at peace with our bodies and minds.
wen i was reading wat u wrote abt degrassi i was thinking \"ya or like that full house from years ago where dj passes out in the gym\" and then u wrote that! i hate wen shows portray it like that, and at the end its all \"ur beautiful just the way u are blah blah\" and then theyre \"cured\"