u know what? i like me....i dont wanna be ne body else....i know me...i like being around me...which is good since i dont really get a choice lol....i like the way i look...i like my friends, and my family....and i must be doing something right cuz people seem to like me to....im not perfect by any means....my ed being one of my main flaws....but u know what...nobody is perfect...and as long as i keep trying to better myself...then i guess all is not loston the ED side of things...(come on guys u saw this coming =) )....i went to my weekly therapy session and told my therapist that i did half of what she had asked of me...i looked on the calendar and saw that i didnt have an appt with my ED dr scheduled...but i didnt call and make an appt...and i told her that i wasnt planning on doing so...see my therapist will refuse to see me anymore when im medically unstable...so she wants to keep in touch with the dr to know whatsup with my health....well i then told her that at my last appt my weight was higher than it was b4 (i didnt tell her that this was due to a belt of ankle weights strung around my waist under my hoodie...but she doesnt need to know that detail)...so she said that if my primary care physican (the one who i get away with faking my weight with) is comfortable monitoring me then i can just go to him for weigh ins and not go to my ED dr....so im excited if this happens...i dont wanna see that witch (my ED dr) ever again!!!...and if im forced to go see her....she'll keep me honest with my weight....they always do there...and this means bad things for missy...i NEED to do what someone my age should be doing...i NEED to go to college, and work!!! this is what i wanna do...i REFUSE to keep going into treatment centers!! and as of right now, im hopeful that i will be able to keep myself out here in the real world...and maybe have a chance at happiness!
Replies
wow it\'s nice to hear such a positive journal.
take care
i am so f*ckn proud of yuu.
yu have noooo idea!
its is sososo greatt that yuu like yurrself.=]]
&&its must feel good nott to have to cee that ed doc yuu dont like.
Way to go sweetie! I know what you mean about the ed doc. I have similar issues:) Love the thing about the weight belt under the hoodie. I told my doc once that I was going to carry rolls of quarters in my pockets during weigh ins. From that day on, she always made me take off my pants to weigh. So much for joking with her!:)
i love that you want to be happy and have a life like everyone else. only problem is is that you\'re letting your ED stear and that\'s gonna get you nowhere REALLY fast. i know where you\'re at. i was so excited when i started my first year of college this past fall. ED was there, but i wasn\'t too worried, in fact, i believed losing weight would make things more fun and it wouldn\'t be that big of a deal. well it was, and it is. i\'ve lost friends that i started to make and ended up too sick to stay in school. now i\'m having to take a semester off. that\'s not what you want sweetie, i know it. start getting honest with the people that can help you!
I\'m pleased to see that you have such a good attitude about yourself!! I pray that things go well with your ED appointment. You are always in my thoughts. Take care
Sounds like a plan. Just keep positive.. I know it\'s hard, but if you really want it, go for it. Look how far i\'ve come... Inspire yourself.
Hey hun,
I really hate to preach, but I hope that you can start being honest with your treatment team about your weight... like Erica said, I\'ve been in your position before and I ended up the same way, losing everything and having to drop out of the semester. ED is giving you a temporary high - but it\'s just that - temporary. Getting healthy and being held accountable is rough, I\'m not gonna lie, but ultimately I\'m starting to realize that in order to accomplish goals and really LIVE life, ED can\'t be in the picture. Ugh. I know that this is probably going to sound like a soapbox rant to you... I\'d probably feel the same way if I were still active in my ED, but gosh, I just wish so bad that I could let you see life through my eyes right now for like two seconds, just to see how recovery is really giving me hope and purpose in my life and to let you see that it IS possible to let go. Just keep hanging in there, and be careful.