well ladies and gentlemen...it is official...i cannot go out in public under any circumstances without getting hit on.....tonight i went out of my nightly coffee run to the gas station that i always go to.....i am wearing a hoodie, black yoga pants, white flip flops, and i have NO make up on whatsoever....in fact my mascara kind of pooled underneath my eyes cuz i had had makeup on b4 my shower.....so i had like mascara all awry  under my eyes....and i still got hit on....lol im not gonna lie......getting attention from guys always makes me smile....guess it makes me feel good to know that i am physically attractive......i think im alright looking but if i were a guy, i probably wouldnt hit on me....but i guess im not my type.....if that makes any frikin sense at all! lol wow.........i guess all of this attention from men doesnt make up for the fact that i dont get the attention i want from one particular man in my life......my dad......he is always making snide comments....like the yesterday, i was laying on the couch all pissed off about my coworkers...and my sister was trying to cheer me up...and she was like "are u wearing lucky toe socks?" and she started playing with my feet.....and my dad walks by and scoffs "yea cuz someone needs to be wearing socks in this weather" ........and today, the dr's office called...i missed my appt....and god forbid i forget about a dr's appt.....granted this is probably the 2nd time ive done this....but when u have a dr appt every time u turn around, they begin to blur together and its easy to miss one! and my dad kept saying over and over "u know u have to pay for u missed appt!...better bring ur checkbook with u when u go" "ud better bring ur checkbook with u when u reschedule ur appt...u need to pay for ur missed appt!".......omg i wanted to yell "COULD U FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE STOP BERATING ME FOR NOT BEING PERFECT AND FOR MAKING A MISTAKE?" im just so tired and i feel so stuck because i am trying to make him proud of me....and every mistake i make....is just getting me further from this goal i seem to be fixated on.....and ive though about it and i think that my ED may just be my way of trying to perfect myself....so that perhaps, he will stop pointing out my shortcomings.......cuz if im perfect then i wont have any.....and of course, he now just has another thing to point out......my ED......i feel im damned if i do and im damned if i dont.....i cant win with him!another thing ive realized.....we dont all have the same ED....yes, ive been diagnosed with anorexia.......but someone else with anorexia, and myself usually have different aspects of our disorders.....like someone else might eat once a day and eat normal foods....someone else might eat 1 snickers bar a day and only that snickers bar....someone else might eat alot of veggies......i dont know....i just feel as though we all get lumped into this category and it is thought that we all dont eat......and that we all think we r fat........which i know that i am not fat....i am skinny....i just dont wanna become fat......i hate when people think that i look into a mirror and see a 2 ton tussie.......cuz i dont....i see me....the real me