holy shit! I FUCKING LOVE U GUYS! (please pardon my french!)......i am in awe of how many people took the time to read my last entry! i am and will be forever grateful to u guys!when u grow up arent u supposed to get smarter? i feel as though i may have gotten a tad dumber in the food realm of my life.....like my parents and i always laugh about the time when i was really young, we were on a car trip and i was in the backseat eating potato chips.....i got thirsty so i said to my parents...im thirsty...and my dad who didnt wanna pull over said well then stop eating the potato chips....to which i retorted but then ill be hungry and thirsty.......we always laugh about this....and btw guys...i did get the drink after that! lol.....then i got to thinking......when i was that young, i knew what hunger was...and i felt it......and most importantly i gave into it........whereas nowadays, i dont know when im hungry....i just get tired...that is how i know my body needs fuel.....how could i be smarter when i was younger? have i truely gotten dumber?
Replies
oh hun its not a matter of being smart or dumb, u didnt have an ed then and thats wat gets in the way of recognizing hunger, its becuase we arent using our minds not because our minds dont work as well...if that makes any sense? god i have no idea wat hunger means, i dont fully get why that is but i dont think it has to do with brain power! (although i do honestly think ive gotten dumber lately--i dont remember things very well!!) oh and as someone who took french for 4 years, i give u an A+!! lol
Girl, i go through that all the time. The frustration surrounding the thoughts of me as a child eating when Im hungry and stopping when Im full, and being okay eating 6 pancakes for breakfast until my tummy felt so super full. Truth is, its not about being dumb, its just about you developing a higher awareness, which comes with age. I loved your potato chip story:-)
I am trying to get back in the right place to recognize hunger, it is hard because there are so many feelings that trigger \"hunger\" and it is hard to figure out what sign is what, we will get this!!!!!
Of course, people would respond to support you. You carre a lot for everyone else and the feeling is mutual.
I don\'t think that you are getting dumber. Eating disorders just distort you mind. Just keep trying and eventually you will get back to that healthy girl!
no i dont thinkk yuur getting dumberr.
i thinkk its just the ed hiding itt him yuu.it wants to forget the hunger...
Sometimes, rarely, I don\'t respond to journals because I\'m waiting for someone smarter to respond first so I don\'t sound dumb if I say something wrong. Sometimes I just respond with something that I think sounds smart. Then, when I\'m (rarely) not full of shit, I speak from my heart like you do. All I know is that my hunger is gradually starting to kick in finally. I just had to eat when I\'m not hungry in order to get there. XOXOXOXO
no, you haven\'t gotten dumber. i often think about this, thinking back to just a few years ago when i weighed about the same as i do now/just a few pounds lighter and i would eat whatever i wanted[though i always kind of ate healthy because i liked it] and i was HAPPY. i must have liked my body, or just didn\'t mind it. i wasn\'t depressed because of my imperfections, and didn\'t stress all day every day over food/calories like i do NOW.
but, i think knowing as much as i do now about food and the body[when i was anorexic i read ALL THE TIME about everything..and i still do now, but more healthy articles] is going to help me in the long run. i am trying to get myself into a healthy lifestyle at the age of 17, where most people in America don\'t do that until they go to the doctor around/after age 50 and are told that if they don\'t, they\'re going to end up with some kind of cancer or something. ya know?
so i just try and keep that in mind, but i do miss the happiness...but we can all gain that back! it\'s going to be a hard road to walk on, but we can do it! I don\'t know if you have Faith, but I do very much so, and i believe i was put on this earth to go through everything that i am. and that good comes out of every hard situation. that i learn from everything i do, and it all happens for a reason. part of me really would like to become a nutritionist or psychiatrist for ED patients; if that does become reality in the future, then i\'m POSITIVE i went through my ED\'s because it would make me that much stronger. it\'d be much easier to be a psychiatrist when you\'ve dealt with the same things as your patients!
sorry that i tend to write so much; i just get going and can\'t stop! :]
give it time.
if you gradually start feeding yourself again (healthier amounts that is) your body will start to come alive. you will start to understand hunger and eventually fullness in more appropriate (meaning similar to non-ed people) ways. youre always in my thoughts and prayers.
I agree with erica. I\'ll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers,too.