well.......my sister has officially moved in...i went over to her house right after work and helped her move all of her stuff...and there was ALOT of stuff...wow thats all i have to say in regards to how much crap she had!......on the outside, i appear to be ecstatic and in my element in regards to my sis moving in.......but inside, im still on edge as to how this will turn out....and to clear up any confusion....my sister KNOWS i have anorexia....she came many times to visit me in the hospital when i was inpatient....i just dont wanna lose one of my best friends cuz of ED...that is what i am worried about...i dont want her to see my eating habits up close and personal and think that im weird and start making snide comments.....but i dont think this will happen......my sister knows me and ED pretty well so nothing i do or dont do as a better choice of words....shouldnt come as a surprise to her.....i dont wanna get to attached and dependent on my sis again....this is how our relationship used to be while we were growing up......she was the boss, she ran the show.....she moved out....i felt lost.......and as my parents love love love to point out in therapy sessions (so as to try and drive the point home that they are not bad parents and that they arent the cause of my ED) that i developed my anorexia right after my sister moved out.......i HATE pointing my finger at people trying to blame my ED on them...i REFUSE to do it....it is no one else's fault...i feel as though it is my fault...i know it's not really my fault, but it just feels safer to me to blame myself....cuz i wont get mad at me......and missy being the perfect girl she is (or feels like she has to be) would never wanna hurt anyones feelings, or make an enemy....that would be for her would be proposterous sheer lucridity!!!
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There are ppl involved in everyones life and feelings...so nturally they may have a peice of the blame to take. Siblings are great to blame cause they are kin and will always love you (in most cases), specially older ones...it\'s there job.
i think that because ur sister knows u as YOU and not as ur ed it wont change things btwn u, and dont worry abt becoming dependent on her...uve \"grown up\" since she moved out and uve adjusted to living without her, now u just have to remember how to live without her while shes actually there if that makes any sense?
its not yuur fault.at all...i dont thinkk yuur sister stop caeing about yuu becasue she sees yuur ED all the time while living wit yuu...she clearly cares about and yuu care about her.i think and hope everything goes well with yuu twoo.have funn wit herr.=]
At different times in my life, I have blamed different ppl for my ED; my brother was my favorite person to blame, my parents probably recieved some, myself of course, and old dance instructors (who first told me I was fat and suggested a very restricted diet). The crazy thing about blame is that no matter where it is placed it doesn\'t change things. Blaming others allowed me to continue desroying myself with ED, and blaming myself made me feel so terrible about myself that I felt I \"deserved\" the pain of the ED. Blame is all about looking backward, and in order to get healthy all of the beautiful, strong, amazing women with ED, including yourself, need to look forward and focus on a positive, healthy future. I really do hope that having your sister move in with you is the first of many healthy changes to come.
I love how you know that your feelings and actions are sometimes distorted, and how you are so honest and willing to change. The fact that your ED surfaced when your sister moved out could have been a trigger or a coincidence, or whatever, but blame is such a waste of energy. When I point the finger at someone, my hand has three pointing back at me. XOXOXO