tomorrow is the officially moving in day for my sister...im gonna put a smile on my face and help her move in...but im all mixed up inside about it......and i dont wanna tell her the reasons y i dont want her here......the number one reason is that i dont want her to see my ED up close and personally...then she might become pissy with me like my parents are most times......eek! another thing is...she eats alot of diet foods too....(although she is a little soft)....and im afraid that she will eat all of my safe foods.......and then there is NO hope for me....but i need to look at the bright side of things....she is my sister...she is my fav person in the world....she is my partner in crime....she is jen!....and whether i like it or not...she's coming .....TOMORROW!!!today at work i was thinking.....i do this alot....people are constantly buying food....in my mind i have decided that this is the biggest waste of money EVER!....i see people paying to make themselves heavier......and unlike clothes that u can use many times when u buy them...food is bought and then it's gone.....needless to say.....i dont buy food.....and this kind of scares me...when i move out....will i use my money to purchase edibles????i totally went to bingo tonight...lol....i brought some whoppers with my to eat (the malted milk ball candy...not the burger!!!)......and i had decided initially that i would eat 8 of them...then i bargained myself down to 6......i ended up eating 2.......GRRRRR.....
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I think the same way you do about food and money. I tell my husbamd all the time that food is a waste of money. I would rather spend my money on clothes then on food. In my mind food makes you fat, but clothes make you look good, but if you eat too much of the food then you won\'t look good in the clothes, so my mind tells me not to buy the food. I know crazy, but that is the way my mind thinks. Seriously, if I lived alone, I probably would not buy food at all. I wouldn\'t want to waste my money, but since I have kids I need to buy it for them, but I use my husbands credit card, I never use my own cash for food, because like you said it\'s a waste of money.
I completely understand the way you are feeling - It is really hard to know how to deal with all the feelings and fears involved when the people you care about most are exposed to the struggles with ED in all it\'s reality. The upside is that she is your sister and may not be as hard on you as your parents are. I also think the same way in regards to food and money - Why hand over my paycheck just to recieve wight gain in return?? Apparently food is some kind of necessasity or something.. I don\'t get it. Anyways. hang in there and try to give your sister a fighting chance. She may surprise you, and/or you may surprise yourself.
I understand that food appears to be a waste of money, but it is a necessity to keep you healthy. It\'s like vitamins or going to the doctor, those are not a waste of your money. The trick is to purchase food that is healthy. If you give your body good fuel, it will be healthy. Junk food is where most people, including myself, mess up. It costs more in general because you buy so much more of it -- I know that I am never satisfied, but I am getting better. You need food to live!
Food is not a complete waste! It turns into energy for your body so you can experience the joys in life. I agree that junk food is a waste of money, and that eating things that contain only empty calories is stupid...but fruit, vegetables, whole grains, tofu, fish...these things are GOOD for you. I am jealous that you will be living with your sister. My sisters are also my best friends, and all three of them are very far away from me. I hope that her living with you helps you to make some healthy changes in your life.
Your eating disorder will do anything to protect itself, even come between the relationship you have with your sister. So, she finds out you have a disease. She could be one of your best allies. Like I said, you\'re only as sick as your secrets... XOXOXO