since when did we get to write in color? wow i like this...makes everything seem a little bit better when it is written in pink...hehe wow i could go on and on about how great being able to see color is....but then everyone would know just how nutty i truely am...but i am trying not to take anything for granted if it is at all possible for me to do this......i love everything about life except for the eating....these past 24 hours...i have been thinking about the definition of insanity....which is doing the same action over and over again expecting different results.....i in a way am doing this by starving myself.....i repeat this starvation process expecting different results....it landed me in the hospital and almost killed me already....yet i keep doing it expecting to stay out of treatment....i know that in order to be truely happy, productive, and living my life i NEED to STOP with anorexia......this scares the bajeebies out of me because ED has become what is familiar and safe...which is funny because what is familiar and "safe" has almost ended my life once....how in the world is this safe??? now to stop the insanity...i need to change my actions...if i change my actions then i can expect different results than what i have been getting.......let's see here...i got out of treatment in the middle of january.....i was 159 pounds (i am 6 ft tall but that number still sounds high to me)....it is now may.....i am 135.5 pounds....and it keeps going down....i tried to eat a little bit more than usual today...ED was not happy.....but fuck him! he's been happy for TOO LONG...it's my fucking turn to be HAPPY!!! i NEED to get better! that is the ONLY way i will ever have a shot at HAPPINESS!
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Aw good for you babycakes! Gave ED a kick in the perverbial balls eh. Ha ha. I did too today, i was living off tea, Special K and Califlower.....and i was like F it, im havin a sandwich. Mind you it was on Weight Watchers bread and stuff but STILL! I know what u mean about like breaking out of your familier patterns sorta. To me its scary because I think im gonna get fat. And somehow my ED has become somewhat of my identity in a way as sad as that suonds, and i don\'t wanna lose that either. But hey, sounds like we did pretty good with the ball kickin today, keep up the good work. One day at a time!
You rock girl! You are so inspirational! There is no way you can\'t beat this...you want to too bad! I\'m insane too. I want to try it again w/ ex...you know, same actions, but wanting different results. I always think if we tried again, it would work out.
Only an insane person would think that he told me way back when.
I still think that though.
Our minds aren\'t always crystal clear. It\'s like there is that one part that is oh so stubborn. you can do it girl!
You go girl.Iam behind ya 100%!! You inspire me soooo much!Hope that your day is great!
You can beat this! I know it\'s not easy for you, but if you just slowly start to eat a little more, you\'ll make it.
this is exactly what i am doing, the insanity thing. i wish you the best in this. it seems like you are on the right track.
So we are supposed to ask God to return us to sanity. Does that imply that I had any to begin with?