8 months since Smokey died. I am not doing too bad.

8 months since my Smokey died.  I am not doing too bad.  Monday was horrible.  I just sat at my dining room/kitchen table crying for a long time and felt the intensity of my loss greatly.  Last night when I was in bed just before going to sleep, I cried again.    When I go out with family or friends, I enjoy myself and have a good time.  It is coming back to the apartment alone and no Smokey.  I feel it the most and the worst when I am at home in the apartment.  No one is with me to see the intensity of my feelings flooding out.  I may be open to finding someone else as per Smokey's instructions to me over the course of a few years before he died to find someone again and be happy.   It is not easy.  There are a lot of creeps and a lot of toads and a lot of guys that are lame ducks.  The lame ducks are the ones that you excite them but they do not follow through with a thing.  You know the creeps and toads so I don't have to go into explanations about them.  When I was divorced from my husband, I found a lame duck.  He liked me but never pushed it further.  It is a useless situation.  I have another lame duck now.  He is interested in me but won't push it further.  I always seem to find a lame duck before I find the one that is for me.  It happened before I met Smokey and it will probably happen again the right guy is just around the corner.  I am in no hurry but it sure is fun checking out the guys.  My friend Carol and I have a great time going out together and looking around to see what is available.  Carol has a marvelous sense of humor which most people love including myself.  She is the kind of person with a twinkle in her eye.  Smokey was that way too.  When they have a twinkle in their eyes you never know if you are going to get into trouble, laugh or something good is coming your way.  It is what makes the relationship interesting.  I hope I am blessed with another guy with a twinkle in his eyes as well.  Thank you for listening and I hope everyone has a great Friday and a good weekend.  From Diane