8/9/13

Ah, NOW I remember why I get upset when I see him...It took everything I had to claw and scratch my way through those 2 weeks of no contact. I was JUST getting comfortable with it when BAM-he shows up. So now, it's not just starting the count over again. It's also going through the HELL period again when I keep checking to see if he's called, emailed, etc. It's wondering if he wiil even though I know he wont unless there's a valid reason. It's the yes, I enjoyed talking with him, so what's the harm but having to remind myself it does indeed harm me crap all over again. Its like getting off of soda. I determine to get off of them. I get through the cold turkey period....I'm doing well. Then i hit a rough time or something and I really need is or my resistance is down. Just one and I'm hooked all over again. So now I have to go through the tremors and DTs and pain of getting away from him, AGAIN! Will power is not one of my strengths. On the plus side, if it effects my appetite again, which is does sometimes, maybe i'll lose a little weight. When we first split, i lost 30 pounds because I couldnt focus enough to eat. Little by little I put most of it back on. Especially through that horrible  period of the holidays and my dad's death last year....Which...ah well I'm in full whiney mode, let's throw it all on the fire.....I absoutely hate the Christmas season. Have for years. And now I also hate the Thanksgiving holidays too. And I am already dreading them---already. Even though I also have a fantastic cruise I am taking right around Thanksgiving.When we split up...I tossed all of my holiday stuff. There will be no decorating or any of that at my place again. I really really wish I could hibernate like a bear. Ok...I'm done. get off early today. Gotta go to pharmacy and get my meds. Need to take dog to get her hair cut-prob wont. May go to movies with a friend. May wash clothes. If I dont wash, then I gotta go buy something to wear, which i HAVE been known to do....hahahaha..Ok I'll make it....been down this road many many many times before.