8/31/2013
Have come up with plan to stay away from ex when he calls me for whatever reason. Making a list of all the ways he's hurt me and broken my heart. Especially the things he said and did that ended our marriage. For some reason when I hear from him or whatever, those things just slip my mind. But when I remind myself of those things, they still make me cry. Now I will have a list. I will keep it in my purse. Every time I hear from him for whatever reason, I will go get that list and read it to remind myself exactly WHY we are divorced and how badly he hurt me and why he doesn't deserve my attention anymore.
Replies
This is good for you to do. When I was in Divorce Care we would do that. Only each day we would think of what we didn\'t miss about the ex. A reminder of what they had done that was so wrong.
Sounds like a great plan!
you are taking steps that will help you to cut those strings that keep you tied to him. If you do hear or see him, just smile and slowly walk away. He is trying to keep you tied to him. You will do it. Just heads up and smile. hugs.
You are all so right. I\'ve noticed that I\'m having a harder and harder time even remembering the \"good\" times. I do remember and will never forget or take for granted the tremendous help and everything from when my parents died. He was a rock. But it doesn\'t make up for what he did later. And there are so many things I do not miss. The constant chaos. The never ending crisis. I\'m very analytic and need/crave security and stability. The mundane and getting in a rut do not bother me. I grew up moving constantly. The older I get the more I need stability. When we were in college together, I came to realize at one point that I had freely given myself up. If I wanted to go to Walmart and he said let\'s go later, I would wait. Trivial I know but very telling. We rented the videos he wanted to see. it wasn\'t that he was mean. it was just if he said, he didn\'t like the actor, I would say ok. I eventually realized I needed to put up some boundaries. I made \"rules\" for myself. If I wanted to go to Walmart and he said he did too but wanted to go later, I said ok..well I\'m gonna go now. I stopped being the one to call etc. It seemed so high school, like a \"game\". But it made a huge difference in how he treated me. As long as I don\'t talk to him or be around him, I do pretty well. And you know, when his first wife decided they were done, she wouldn\'t talk to him. If he called, she would give the phone to their son. Yes, he does want to keep me tied to him no matter how loosely. He said himself that he wished he could let me go without losing me. He still sees me as his safety net. I\'m going to do whatever it takes to cut these strings. otherwise I might end up as #4 myself if she ends up not coming. Thanks guys, you are so much help!