7th Jan
Huge changes in my life...On Saturday morning I saw AC had gone and put up a new profile online. I sent him a one liner wishing him good luck and when he responded asked if he had cleared out space in his head over Christmas and New Year. Anyway, long story short, we ended up spending the whole evening together including dinner and a movie. This is the guy who disappointed me at least twice when there were movies I really wanted to see....Surprise!). Anyway I figured I had no sense of connection to him if I wasn't in physical contact with him so was safe as long as he was out of range.....We talked lots and I almost felt sorry for him. Looks like he was affected by the breakup too and now that he realises I have changed a lot from the person who he knew, it is like he wants to be around me. We agreed to be friends as long as neither of us were dating anyone else....
Then yesterday morning I sent a note to Brian telling him to read my post about my son. We got chatting and finally last night after a couple of glasses of wine he text me to say that all he ever wanted do was save me from pain and he did that anyway by making me cry the other day..Because he is an Empath as well, my pain manifests itself physically in him and has actually made him ill......Finally a breakthrough in terms of communication.
I don't know where this will take us from here on. But having both people back in my life has given me a chance to compare what I had with AC to what BV has given me in the short time he has been in my life....I realise I can never go back to having a relationship with AC. He is selfish and I am an option in his life. I want more than spare change from him and he can never give me that. In contrast, even if BV only ever remain friends, he is a giver, not a taker...I don't want to scare him away, so will let him set the pace. He has offered to come help me paint....See how we go.
Then yesterday morning I sent a note to Brian telling him to read my post about my son. We got chatting and finally last night after a couple of glasses of wine he text me to say that all he ever wanted do was save me from pain and he did that anyway by making me cry the other day..Because he is an Empath as well, my pain manifests itself physically in him and has actually made him ill......Finally a breakthrough in terms of communication.
I don't know where this will take us from here on. But having both people back in my life has given me a chance to compare what I had with AC to what BV has given me in the short time he has been in my life....I realise I can never go back to having a relationship with AC. He is selfish and I am an option in his life. I want more than spare change from him and he can never give me that. In contrast, even if BV only ever remain friends, he is a giver, not a taker...I don't want to scare him away, so will let him set the pace. He has offered to come help me paint....See how we go.
Replies
We agreed to be friends as long as neither of us were dating anyone else....
Be very careful my friend this sentence sends red flags to me being an empath as well I sense that his intention isn\'t as honorable as you may think.
What I mean is , if neither of you are dating and you get together often as friends he has more of an advantage to work on braking down your defenses and in that you may fall back into believing there\'s still a chance for you two.
I\'ve been there with my ex too many times to count please be careful. Even with you saying you know your only an option to him we as empaths always want to see the good in others and it can cloud our ability to do what is best for ourselves.
Just something to think about because you have come so far I want to see you continue to move forward on your journey.
Blessings to you my friend.
Thank you angeldove....I think you are right and there is more to his wanting to be friends with me than what I first thought....But I have also spent some time thinking about it and the prospect of friendship with him doesn\'t have the appeal it had two days ago. I have also figured something else about myself. Because I am taking on the other person\'s emotions and feelings, when I am with someone who I sense likes me, but hasn\'t verbalised it, I feel obliged to enable that person to get what they want...Pretty scary isn\'t it. My feelings don\'t come into it at all...And since they don\'t know what is going on in my head, on the surface it looks like i am doing all the running around in the relationship and therefore they are safe from doing any of the hard stuff.....How messed up is that..
My situation is complicated with meeting this new guy BV who is an empath. I really like him but us both being empaths is going to mean it is never going to be an easy relationship. I know I am signing on for a lot of heartache, but feel like I can\'t let go.....We talked today and agreed we would be friends and see where it takes us. He doesn\'t have the skills to shield himself from me and has been physically sick the last few days because of me. He said he didn\'t want a relationship and that made me very sad..He picked up on the sadness and it manifested itself physically in him.....
Yeah I am the same way, I do know that my ex. MJ loves me because I \"feel\" him so strongly when he is around me and even when we\'re apart and like you said I feel obliged to enable him what he wants, but in doing that I\'ve only hurt myself because he takes advantage of my loving kindness and doesn\'t give it back .
It\'s a pattern that I now know I need to stop if I want to stay healthy.
It sounds like Brian is being sincere so far to how he feels and what he wants, If you can make sure you can identify what are your true feeling and what you are sensing from him and just let them be what they are then it may begin to get easier for you both.
I think it\'s good that you are both being so open with each other and if you can keep being so open with talking then you might have a special friendship there.
Keep moving forward girl , many blessing to you : )
I am truly blessed to be in the company of people like you my friend. This is a whole new world to me and I feel like a child learning her first steps. I am part way through a book about being able to separate out my stuff from the other persons called Whose Stuff Is It and have given Brian a copy to read too. Hoping it will help us both.
I think my hardest challenge is going to be figuring out what my true feelings are....
Thank you for that I feel the same, It\'s comforting to find others who are like minded and able to share there insight with compassion and not feel judged.
That book sounds like a good one I will have to look it up I\'m always up for reading stuff like that to bring me back to balance.
Blessings