My son Ryan would be 25 years old next wed, august 8th...I can't believe its been 6 years, 4 months since Ryan went to heaven... My oldest and only son Forever 18...I love you Ryan and miss you Soooo much...Through all the excruciating pain, learning to live life without you Ryan has given me strength I thought was impossible...I think of you everyday...You know how much I love you you were my life and my little man!! We had a special bond, you are in my heart always everywhere I go. I know you are guilding me to a happy destiny...I have to fight the pain & saddness all the time...Fighting those battles in my head, urrrrrr... I have to turn the saddness into all the fun times we had... I have learned when I see someone who reminds me of you, it is a sign showing me that you are near,  giving me comfort, then I feel warm, full of joy and love soooo very deep in my heart, I learned signs you give me through people places and things. Your sense of humor is still the same as before... I chuckle and say to myself, I KNOW ITS YOU RY!! Then I say I love you RYAN and thank you for being there when I need you the most...The numbers you show me is a hugh sign from you, it amazes me how often certain numbers jump out at me and I think of you Ry, I know in my heart its you..At the right time certain Songs come on which makes me smile...I know its you baby! When I go on my retreats every year with all the moms who have lost a child, You show up with unbelievable signs, like Ryan's bar and Grill! Then down the road I go by a bank, the Clock changes to 4:15.. I know its you telling me you love me, and I say "I love you too RYAN!!" I 've seen SO much more, it goes on and on..I can't tell people who have never lost a child, b/c they don't understand, they look at me like i'm crazy. HaHaHa! Ya, RIGHT HUH!! When I have more time I'll write more of all the ways I notice those awesome signs you have shown me...I always wanted you to be happy and i know you are guiding me to a happy destiny...You are my buddy and best friend forever! I love you with every fiber in my body... Keep on guiding me!!!! Oh, by the way your wish for Erica has been accomplished...Keep on guiding her too!! Ryan you always were a peace maker and the light of SO many here on earth as you are in heaven! Love, MOM