I Haven't written in my journal for quite a while now...Some of you have met my daughter Erica from being at the FMO retreat in Gatlinburg Tennesse...It was our first retreat together, we will never forget the time we had with all the moms we had met...We were up in the smokey mountains, which we called "The Heavens"...Actually the name of the Chalet we stayed in was "Touch of Heaven". We had a wonderful crew of moms who we enjoyed so much...Actually I would love to take that same trip again...SOMEDAY MAYBE!!
Erica and Chris planned a trip to the Bahamas last week. Chris proposed to her in the cockpit of the airplane...She said Mom, it was 7am in the morning, she was tired and alittle grumpie. She was confused why they were sitting in the cockpit of the plane. Their friend was taping it on video but she didn't realize it until the ring was on her finger, then as she turned she saw her friend filming it. They showed it on facebook...ILMAO, it was too funny... The captain of the plane announced it on the intercom, as they were walking down the Isle to there seats. It was St. Patricks Day, she had her brite green pants on... I don't know their complete plans yet. I know their planing a trip to Hawiia. Chris's dad is an airline polit..They asked his dad for 2 tickets, I guess he gets 9 free tickets a year...I'll keep you posted on this event!!!!LOL....
I have been grieving the loss of Erica in a way too. Even though she is in N.J...Atleast I know she is doing well and keeping very busy. She is a manager at a coffee shop at the base,(Chris her bf is in the airforce in NJ)...Erica also cleans some planes on base a couple times a week for Xtra money. AND, She started school 2 weeks ago to be a dental assistant..She already went to school for a LNA or a CNA. it depends on what state you live in as what they call it..( Nurse assistance ).....
I'm having a very hard time with my new life, without my kids....I feel as though I'm back at the beginning of my teen years trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up, LoL... But my body and mind isn't working well together, soooo its a whole lot different...Sometimes I feel as though I'm gonna lose it, and have a break down.. Thats where my head takes me...My mind is like being alone in a Getto neighborhood, NOT A NICE PLACE TO BE......LOL......
My computer is all screwed up, has all kinds of viruses, and I can't get my email. I procrastanate, and don't take it to get fixed, like everything else I put on the back burner...Doing better though, I'm voluteering at a day care for the elderly one day a week, I really like it.. Its fun..We laugh, play games, etc..
What is going on with this site????Is everyone else having the same problems, NO Activities.....UHG!! I HATE IT..........
I'm going to Utah For the retreat, I can't get emails so I don't know whos going? I have a room Thurs night to tues morning...I gonna do the hot air balloon too.. I'll send Teri the check soon...plus for the T-Shirts...... I miss all of you and I'm sorry I don't write much, I have been in a RUT, speechless lots of the time...Wishing you all better times, and I hope it gets easier then it has been latly.... Love you ALL!!!!!Hugs Kelly
Replies
Oh Kelly it is so good to hear from you and know how life is treating you. Yes we did have a lot of good Mom\'s in that cabin in Gatlinburg. I miss you and all of the other Mom\'s. Sure wish I could go this year to see everyne again, but things just wn\'t permit it. Maybe next year if everything get\'s better. I know about the alone time. My husband is gone most of the month for his job and my daughter and I don\'t get along very well. I really think losing her brother almost 18 years ago has really really changed her. So glad that Erica is going well and tell her congrats on the engagment. Sending you lots of love & a great big HUG.....Connie
Erica\'s news is wonderful,,,so great for her!!!
Can\'t wait to see you again in Utah!! Love Ya!
Yes, DS is having \'growing pains\' from the change over to their new servers is what I understand. It would be nice to have an update on it now and then.
It seems you are adjusting and seeking balance - this is what we need.
Take very good care and be gentle with yourself.
((hugs))
:-) Patricia
Congratulations to you and Erica - but, yes, I get about not being around her. Things that should be so natural with our kids moving on are now amplified in some way - a different loss that becomes bigger than it normally would. Well, if life were normal anymore!!
Hope you are doing okay ~ Joanna x
Oh, my friend... so understandable that you are feeling all that you are. Sometimes I think each of these changes \"alone\" would be enough to navigate through and add into the loss of Ryan and everything feels off and so very strange and different.
That was quite a proposal for Erica and do keep us up with the plans. It feels as if she\'s trying to live her life as best as she is able and you, Kelly, will always be a part of it. Don\'t you wish when we were in all that busyness of infant, toddler and teenage years that we could have bottled some of that up to savor now. Well, maybe not so much the teenage years... lol
Happy to know too that you are doing some volunteer work and for women in this time of our lives what you are feeling is so normal about wondering what we truly want to be when we grow up? I ponder it too and most especially since your life was in a salon doing other people\'s hair and being that heart with ears as I know our hairdressers become for so many of us. You were deeply connected and cared for each of them and now that is something of the past too. Just the salon part thougth... never the heart with ears that is YOU wherever YOU are and decide what to do. Please embrace and feel it within yourself.
Yes, DS is having problems and if you check on our group page Ann M. is leading us to jounals that have been written if the moms message her and let her know and retreat info etc., is there too as we update. If you have any specific questions about the retreat please message me.
Loving care to you precious Kelly and stay close.
Thinking of you with the tightest of hugs this day and in the ones to follow.
XO Joanie
Hey Kelly! So good to hear from you.. So happy for Erica, how exciting! I think it is normal to grieve the relationship change with Erica. It will take time to process everything. Getting out and helping others is really good... I think that helps everyone! Take gentle care of yourself and see you in Utah! Love you...
Hi Kelly, that is great news for Erica. I understand how that is for you though. I won\'t be at the retreat this year, and I will really miss seing you and all the moms. I know Easter time is a hard time for you, so know that I am thinking of you! Love, Kim
Wonderful news about Erica getting married. That volunteering one day a week sounds like a great thing to do. I really should look into doing something like that. I get bored so easily. I\'m looking forward to meeting you at the retreat. Sending love and hugs your way, Terry
Wonderful news! So glad to read your journal. It is tough when our kids embark on their lives...we raise them for this day and the secretly dread it...
We suddenly need them so much and miss them like crazy.
I published a discussion post about the problems on Ds..take a look at it so that you are up to speed.
When moms write a journal, I am temporarily posting updates to a discussion post on the group page with a link to their journal until DS fixes the problem...they indicate that this is their top priority.
Don;\'t forget that most public libararies have computers for your use...take advantage of this if all else fails.We miss you and are so glad that you are coming to the retreat! Can\'t wait to give you a hard squeeze!
AnnM
Kelly, I understand your feelings about starting over now that kids are no longer around. I found myself in the same position and was also lost at first. Then, I realized this is an opportunity to do what ever I want with my life...a woo hoo moment!
We all have dreams, sometimes we put them on hold for kids, family, work etc, but now is your time to follow your dreams! Good Luck! Amber
Hi Kelly. Loved being with you in Gatlinburg inTouch of Heaven cabin. What fun!! Congrats to Erica! Hope she is very happy. Know you must miss her a lot. Glad you are able to go to the retreat this year. I\'m not going to make it. Haven\'t been on here much as I have not been able to read anyones journals for quite awhile. So happy that I got in to this one and could read it. Take care and be easy on yourself. You will figure it all out. The retreat will help. Something to really look forward to-lots of hugs and love. I\'ll miss seeing you and everyone. Maybe next year. Love you. A big hug, Beth
Hi Kelly, Congratulations to Erica and Chris...he sounds so romantic! (Hubby...take lessons LOL...)
I hope that you will find the path you\'d most like to take during this new phase of your life that is opening up with your daughter\'s upcoming marriage. They sound like a very nice couple and that\'s nice that the Dad can get free tickets, too! That\'s so nice of you to volunteer your time with the elderly. I am sure they love having your help. Looking forward to meeting you at the retreat! Love, Donna
Hi Kelly! I can relate to the feeling of being lost - not knowing what I am supposed to be doing next.
Congratulations to Erica and Chris.
I am also going to the retreat! I am looking forward to meeting you.
Love and hugs, Marlene
Hi Kelly! Congratulations to Erica! That is wonderful news. I\'m so glad that she is doing well! I can\'t wait to see you again. I also decided on the Hot Air Balloon ride. I figured why not! I could use a good adventure! Please give Erica my best regards! And take care of yourself my friend! Love and Hugs, Diane
Some days are just awful...filled with whatever comes to mind about our loss...our grief...our guilt.....total suffering...and then some days seem alright. I just hope for you that this gets better and better....You are a blessing to the elderly people that you keep company with once a week. I am so glad you are doing this...it will be very helpful to you as much as it is for them. So good to see you back again....and yes DS can be a major pain the cyberass.....woe is me.....love and hugs, dale..brandon\'s mom