Letting Go

 
After Cara died... the losses just mounted up till I nearly went under...  some of them I know weren't intentional... some were unspeakably cruel...
I have to believe the two coworkers who stood right outside the door to the office talking about how disgusted he was with the bicyclist he had hit with his cab the night before.  Harry was complaining because he had hit a bicyclist who was crossing the interstate the night before.  The man was thrown up on to the hood of Harry's cab and the windshield was cracked.  There was blood and hair embedded in the cracks.  I know all these details, because Harry was quite graphic in his description.  He was mad because he had to drive an older cab until they could get his cab cleaned up and the windshield replaced.  He and my supposedly good friend Sandy were laughing about how inconsiderate it was of the man to cause Harry so much inconvenience.  This happened within a couple of weeks of my daughter's death.  Cara was killed when she was struck by a car and killed while walking up the access to I-10, the same interstate where Harry was so inconvenienced. 
This was either so stupid or just deliberately cruel I still can’t let it go.   It comes back to haunt me many times.  I think the reason Sandy was so ugly was she was simply jealous.  Its sad that I have these memories, but I think its got to be even sadder to be so filled with jealousy that you could be that cruel Sandy.   Its unfortunate but sometimes we need to face the thoughts that continue to circle around to hurt us.  That is what I’m doing in this journal.