Letting Go
After Cara died... the losses just mounted up till I nearly went under... some of them I know weren't intentional... some were unspeakably cruel...
I have to believe the two coworkers who stood right outside the door to the office talking about how disgusted he was with the bicyclist he had hit with his cab the night before. Harry was complaining because he had hit a bicyclist who was crossing the interstate the night before. The man was thrown up on to the hood of Harry's cab and the windshield was cracked. There was blood and hair embedded in the cracks. I know all these details, because Harry was quite graphic in his description. He was mad because he had to drive an older cab until they could get his cab cleaned up and the windshield replaced. He and my supposedly good friend Sandy were laughing about how inconsiderate it was of the man to cause Harry so much inconvenience. This happened within a couple of weeks of my daughter's death. Cara was killed when she was struck by a car and killed while walking up the access to I-10, the same interstate where Harry was so inconvenienced.
This was either so stupid or just deliberately cruel I still can’t let it go. It comes back to haunt me many times. I think the reason Sandy was so ugly was she was simply jealous. Its sad that I have these memories, but I think its got to be even sadder to be so filled with jealousy that you could be that cruel Sandy. Its unfortunate but sometimes we need to face the thoughts that continue to circle around to hurt us. That is what I’m doing in this journal.
Replies
I want to give you some kind of logical response here, but I just don\'t think that is possible. Believe me, I know how you feel. So far, all I have found that there are simply cold hearted, self absorbed people who are either too stupid to know what they are doing or they know damn well what they are doing and showing their true colors. Perhaps, your daughter or some other angel was trying to show you Sandy\'s true colors and not to trust or confide in her any longer. I had and still do have so many anger issues, I could not have confronted them...or I would have hurt one of them and found myself in jail. So, I would accept it as a sign from Cara that you need to guard yourself from these people and frankly I would be trying to get another job with positive enriching people. OR since I am passive aggressive, I would have been doing everything in my power to get them fired...Try to take the positive when your thoughts turn to this incident, smile, think of Cara, go for a walk to change the subject in your mind and talk out loud to Cara. Thank her for diverting you from those people and if you reach the top of a hill SCREAM her name. She is not to be forgotten - love her and to hell with the rest of them. I hope you will find a way to let this incident go, you already have enough on your plate. All it is doing is eating up your time and your heart. Mulling it over won\'t change it or make it go away. Truly it isn\'t worth wasting your energy. I feel really bad for the guy the cab driver hit. What a douche` - If I were him, I couldn\'t sleep at night. But, that is just me. {{{{HUGS}}}}
oh Mary said everything so well.... it hurts when people are cruel,,, and or say stupid things that hurt us.... I have had the misfortune of overhearing my bros say thing. I wish I could smack them upside their heads!!! oh well...
I agree, mary said it all... Stupid people say stupid things..always have, always will
Those people have serious character flaws and a tremendous lack of empathy which is a sign of sociopathology. They are two peas in a pod. You, however, are doing something harmful to yourself (I am not lecturing, I do IT TOO). You are recalling, and embracing and dwelling upon, the most painful things. Stop. Your beautiful daughter is just fine right now; you may not believe me, but I have no doubt. This isn\'t much comfort at times. I know this about my own daughter but she isn\'t HERE, with ME, living her life as I wish it could have been. But take a step back: is life wonderful, is it painless and glorious and rewarding? it can be, but truthfully for the majority of us it can also be painful, torturous, sometimes beyond our self perceived ability to cope. Whereas the world for which we were intended by God is free of all fear, pain, suffering, loss....perfectly free. When I find myself obsessing over a particularly horrible memory or something someone said or did that made my grief worse, I turn to God, I give it to Him, and I pray for forgiveness. I promise you, if you persist, in all sincerity, every day, in this work with Him, you will be rewarded. The sting of death has been defeated by Jesus, and the sting of the enemy (who prowls about the world seeking the ruin of souls) is only something that \"works\" if we let it.
I think they were stupid and inconsiderate. To us, the loss of our child is constantly on our minds. To most others, I think they forget about it the day after the funeral. I hope you can find it within your power to let this go so it doesn\'t eat at you anymore. Sue xo
They are IDIOTS whether or not it was done intentionally or not...
I am so sorry, that these two idiots hurt you !! Mary said it all and if you possibly can, push it to the back of your mind and don\'t give it the light of day. Obviously, Sandy is NOT your friend. Maybe Cara was trying to tell you that. Life is hard enough to live, without dwelling on these stupid people.
I use my journal to vent sometimes too, so write all you want to. We are here to listen and we really care....
((((HUGS))))....Julia
I\'m sorry you were hurt by these words. I do not think it was deliberate. So many people and have so many misfortunes in their lives.. it is difficult to NOT touch upon them. I think sometimes people use humor or make fun of things when they are scared as well. It may not be right, but I think it is a coping mechanism. I hear people talking about people being \"retarded\" . They may or may not know I have a mentally disabled sibling..........
How heartless. Even if it was not their intent to hurt you, they did. I am shocked that they could be so cold-hearted. I can\'t imagine how terrible I would feel if I hit a cyclist, even if it wasn\'t my fault.
It is wonderful that we can come to FMO and let it all out, knowing that we will be understood.
Love and hugs,
Marlene
I\'m sorry.
Some people find \"humor\" in the most horrible of thoughts and acts.
I agree with all above, ignorant and stupid people say mindless things. God bless you my lovely and your beautiful daughter. Xo
Letting it go is where your healing IS. I\'m so sorry for the hurt that you have felt over this and it was a thoughtless moment that they had and your were the receiver of it... Ugh!!!!
Gentle care your way dear Elissa as you poke around in all the places that you need to and take it one moment and day at a time.
Heartfelt hugs for you and your precious Cara.
XO Joanie
Like all of the moms know \"you can\'t fix STUPID\". I have had so many cruel and selfish things said to me that sometimes I have said I would like to write a book about \"What not to say to Moms that have lost their child\". But they would be too stupid to know I was talking about them. Hoping for you some peace on this Monday.
Your friend,
Nell
Hugs Elissa. I hope you will be able to free yourself of these thoughts. I sometimes think of Jason\'s last moments and how he must have been feeling and it is tormenting. I hope both of us find a way to rid ourselves of these thoughts.
It is true that losing our precious children, have taken the hard shell off our lives, and made us very sensitive. My sister\'s first grandson was born yesterday. There were complications with the birth, and I cried and prayed. Fortunately mom and baby are fine now. What happens to others around us, hits home with us! And it hurts every time! Those people without feelings for others, have no idea what love and caring is!