What to do

Court is coming up and I still don't know what I'm doing if I'll let my attorney read my testimony or not. I scares me to think that if my family knows the whole truth that they will walk out leaving me like they did this summer. And if I'm being honest I don't think I could life through that again not that I'd even want to. And the thought of court tarrifisy me my attorney asked what side I want to sit on and told me my family might choice his side I don't know what to think about court. Iv never been in court room let alone court itself and I I can't hide the truth for much long. This whole think court and people saying I'm strong its scares me one court is a megga thing and two when someone say that I'm strong I want to scream "NO IM NOT" and cry.  But to day was better then the others yes the worry and scared feeling was still there but I figured out that if I go and do things the self harm stops and it helps with the pain.