Just another day

Been sick now for the past couple of weeks.A bad cold and no voice.The no voice part has made my family happy.lol..I am not getting much sleep due to takeing care of my grandson who never goes to bed until 5:00am.Sounds so strange for me to think of myself as grama.I am still mom to a twelve year old and three others.My daughter age fifteen had her son Riley in July and even though I love him dearly ,I did not wanna do the mother of babies all over again.Being a mother of four babies over ten years of my life was challenging enough.Through happiness and tears and a lot of deppression trying to still find myself over that time period I definately knew I didnt want any more babies.So it has been very hard for me to except that I have to do the baby thing all over again whether I want to or not.My daughter doesnt have a clue to how much she has changed my life.....But according to her I had no life anyways.I do my best to keep plugging along and keep everyone happy as usual...As my saying goes..I will be happy in my next life...I have to say I am thankful for my family and everyone is here and healthy so I know I shouldnt complain but somedays I get selfish and wonder what about me??? I seem to have lost so much of myself over the years that I am not sure who I am or what would truly make me happy.Happiness is something that comes upon you suddenly and dissapears just as quickly as it appeared.Well, I am glad to be able to get back to Ds land as it helps keep me sane and gives me a glimpse of the world outside my home that I seem to crave like an addiction.I miss working,being around people and feeling like a person....