it seems like my life is getting worse and worse everyday. first the girl i love(..well now loved because after what she did and said to me i can no longer feel love for someone like that.) breaks up with me over the phone after almost 3 years. she made me the happiest i have ever been in my life and she completely murdered me inside. then my own flesh and blood my own mom throws me out when i need love and support the most. she throws me out because i wouldnt get out of bed unless it was to drink. i am completley miserable. drinking is the only thing that makes me happy anymore.  i feel internally raped. so after they threw me out i snapped. that was my breaking point. i threw some shit called her all these names broke some things and left. now that shes on vacation for 6 days i can actually be home till she gets back. its extremely painful to know that the ones who are supposed to love you and not hurt you do. and in my mothers case its been repeatedly my whole life. im sure ill find another girlfriend when im ready. i just dont know if i can trust anyone in that way again..or at least for awhile. for right now...i either wanna get my life on track which will be mad difficult. or ill continue to disinigrate until i eventually drink myself to death or kill myself purposely which ever comes first as long as im dead thats all that will matter