help!

i dont know how to live this new normal. we talk so much, we read each others journals, i hear what we all say. but i DONT KNOW HOW TO DO IT ! depressed? i dont know. i dont think so. am on an anti-depressant. we keep talking of when we re-unite with our beloved ones, and until then we have to do here what we are here for. even i MYSELF say that. but something is wrong and i have no idea how to overcome it.  its now over a year since jessy died. as most of you know, because she was 100% dependant due to her condition, i was so attached to her. we were so bonded, it is hard to even try to describe the bond. and then it was just gone. and i should be insane! i should have gone mad, crazy!  but im almost "too normal".  i carry on doing what i have to do, as if jessy never happened. isnt this kind of a bit psychotic?  sure ive cried, oh G-d have i cried! the only thing that makes me feel abnormal (perhaps "normal" in my new normal), is my uncontrollable sleeping. i can only function for half a day. the other half i sleep, even though i sleep the whole night. and nothing, but NOTHING, can wake me.  this renders me quite dysfunctional. people REALLY deny it if i confront them, but they REALLY give me the "pull yourself together" attitude. and all the advice thats making me :"&*%^ MAD!!  "your children need you, jan",  "you should take up an interest", "you should go back to working", "you need to get out more", "you should eat healthier". DONT THEY GET IT!!  NONE of them !!!  my sleep is like a drug pulling me, there is no fighting it. if i try to fight it, i will fall asleep wherever i am. i am battling a very lonely battle. and if people DO see my cry, they immediately - if not full of advice - want to drag me off to this therapist and that therapist, and i want them to just LEAVE ME ALONE! what is wrong with me. in order not to go insane about jessy, my brain shuts it out like it never happened. like it was a story that i read. its like psychotic. how can we possibly accept that we have children here, and a child in another place that is not a part of our reality? it makes no sense. i dont know how to bring the 2 dimensions together. and so long as i cant bring them together, i feel alone, so very very very alone. even from those i am closest to. ii am very afraid, and i dont know how to do this. i dont know how to live this life. i want to do things, even basic things like clean out a room - and i have always LOVED doing that kind of thing- and i still do, but its like im weighed down by heavy heavy weights, even weights on my eyelids. and i am SO frustrated, cos i cant get up, i cant move, until about 3 hours later.  doctors cant find anything. except thus far sleep apnea, deviated nasal septum (which ive always had anyway). im having surgery on monday to have it corrected. but how am i going to get through this life.i am so aloneso very very alone