hi to my dear friends pappa is still in ICU. i am tired i am very very tired. i havent been to see him for a few days, i just get choked up and sick going back into a hospital. i just cant do it. at least my husband and sister in law between them, are going at least once a day to see him. we are trying to get him transferred to a hospital closer by, that would make things more manageable. i feel sick, but i cant face it, its like facing the horrific thing with jessy again. if i have a strong day i go to see him. i call "pappa, pappa", but he doesnt answer, sometimes just a groan to acknowlege that he hears you. he is fully depedant on oxygen now. his pneumonia is persisting. i have a couple of things to be attended to medically. i will persue them and hope to get onto a stronger way of doing my journey. khaely is doing beautifully, been moved up to the 5th grade now. still an ongoing effort. she got very sick last week, so i took her for tests and we found that her valproate levels were too high, so we've lowered the dose, and its a bit tough going. jarod misses jessy so bad, i dont know what more to do for my little boy. he is 9 years old. he, thank G-d, has a loving and supportive family. he is in a good school. he is achieving in his karate, and has been chosen for the soccer team. i work hard with him, and his grades are good. i love him to bits. but when i read the stories he writes in his school books, they're always about his sister that passed away and how much he misses and loves her. he sleeps in my bed most nights, he wont stay alone in a room. in the nights he wants his pacifier, and he often weeps, and clings. i think i am doing the best i can, but my heart breaks for his pain.i miss jessy. i wish i knew exactly where she is. i wish she could just PICK UP A PHONE AND CALL HER MOM, TO TELL ME SHE'S OKAY, AND LET ME TELL HER I LOVE HER !!