jarod is crying so much. he is weepy all the time, he reacts way overly sensitive if anyone, even a teacher, reprimands him. he can be wild, crazy, aggressive, plays rough. but if anyone looks at him the wrong way he cries and cries and cries.  i decided to take down all the photos and memories from the walls of jessy. for now. maybe forever, we'll see. i think its making it harder for the kids, seeing her face all over the place. so i took down framed photos, other ones, laminated ones. and i',m going to put away her barney and stuff that is on the table in my room. i'm making a special album of jessy. that way i'll go to it whenever i need. i am crying a lot too, but not in front of the kids.i am tired, so very tired. doctors cant find the cause of my chronic fatigue. it is beginning to rule my life, and i cant stay awake anywhere. its so hard. like the battle of life and everything else isnt enough, now ive got to fight against my own exhaustion.and i just cant sleep all the time, cos i have a family to look after. even a helper isnt enough. i can have help, someone watch the kids for FOUR HOURS, while i rest, and im STILL TIRED! its driving me insane.im just scared of life right now, just scared of what its still going to bring my way.i dont know if that saying is a load of rubbish "G-d only gives you what you can handle". ........ i cant handle what ive been given to handle.  i am sore and tired, physically, mentally, emotionally.  i am very very scared