hi all my dearest friends i have 2 angel dates for jessy, as she passed away on the 5th day of the jewish passover (an 8 day festival which falls around april but at a different time each year), and then the actual 24 april 2008.so the hebrew date fell on 13th april this year, and after much thought and panic as to what i would do for her day, the rabbi arranged a small function at our home. there were about 25 people, who are very involved in jessy's life and death, and they came, and special prayers were said, and it just felt like a very very holy time.  it was deep down really wonderful.for the next 2 days i spent my time making a dvd of jessy, throughout her life.  it felt fulfilling to do it.  my spirits were so lifted, and life felt good. then a low hit again after the "event" was gone and passed. life seemed so hard to carry on with.  jessy has been gone a year, i can hardly believe it. tomorrow is 24 april, her angel date that will always mark the day she passed. and my father in law, who is very old, he is 90, had a fall a few days ago (he lives with us), he has had a bleed on the brain, and is in hospital. the doctor says it will kind of resolve itself, but he needs frailcare set up at home. he is due to come home from the hospital tomorrow.  i havent even told my family yet, and after the whole thing we had on 13th april, i dont think they have even REALISED the coincidence, but tomorrow when pappa comes home, is the very time day jessy died.  AND THE SAME hospital that jessy was always in when she was sick, and that she died in.i actually stood in the coridoor last night looking at the ward she was in, and i just stared and stared, and it doesnt freak me out at all when i see it or when i go there, in fact, it feels like she IS in there. weird. in any case, of course there is much worry at the moment as to the old man, and david - my husband is not in a good way, and his sister has been snappy at me and i eventually snapped back, so things arent that hot. and their other sister is arriving here from canada tonight. and there is so much worry going on, and i am SO sad - of course for pappa whom i love dearly, and of whom david and i have been the main care-givers over the last 2 years.... ...... but ALSO - because i dont want to upset them all FURTHER, by reminding anyone how hard it is for me that tomorrow we are fetching pappa from the hospital, and EXACTLY TO THE DATE one year ago, the hurse fetched jessy from the same hospital. i probably will tell, its not like me to be able to hold things in for too long.  its just so weird to me, and as much as anyone is with one and close to one, a mother just has so much of her own pain, in the loss of her child.