everythings so sore. i dreamed i was chasing after my dad's car screaming "daddy! daddy!" the pain was unbearable.so there he is on another continent now, and the stepmonster doesnt even CALL me for him, as he is too ill to call himself. so its like he's gone. but there's so much attitude, and its like she just wants all his family "GONE"!! and its killing me, its so painful. i've been busy though. pesach starts wednesday - the jewish passover. we have to change our WHOLE KITCHEN - clean out everything, get rid of all leavened food. the kids are enjoying it. and its a time for us at least once a year to do a real spring clean. im doing a realy nice "book" - album type thing for JESSY. she passed away during PESACH last year, so although Pesach is a very happy and exciting festival for jews every year, of course it will never be the same for me. and this year will be jessy's FIRST ANGEL DATE, so it will, i think, be the hardest pesach of all. except of course, last year which was the hardest as she died on the 4th day of pesach. (pesach is an 8 day festival). i'm scared. a part of me just wants to die. just doesnt have any will at all, or DESIRE, to live. but then, ive got the 3 children, and they are SO demanding and needy, AND full full full of life and ISSUES and STUFF. so i do get up each day. and i do, do so much for them. but i am also so so so tired. and so much pain in my legs. i have no doubt chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia. im REALLY battling. people dont understand. give me the "pull yourself together" - attitude. im so tired.