I don't like this life anymore. I'm tired of talking about him touching my "twat". It makes me uncomfortable. It's weird. Yucky weird. A bunch of Bluh Bluh Bluh. Why do the kids get what they want when they don't deserve it. He deserves it and doesn't get what he wants. Why does he deserve it?.... Because he is the husband and my body belongs to him. That makes me sick to my stomach. I can't even explain it. Maybe some ptsd type reaction to some of the abuse. I can't explain how much I don't want him to touch me. No part of me. Much less my "twat". (That's what he calls it. Makes me feel like we're juveniles. Yuck). He wants me to give him a scenario where I would let him touch my twat. In his words... Maybe if he bought me a rolls Royce or built me a swimming pool or had a million dollars. There isn't one. Ever.
He wants to know Ho w come I use to like and at least could pretend to like it and now I can't. OMG! I am so very tired of talking about touching my twat! It makes me want to hurl. If he can say twat I can say hurl.
I just don't feel safe anymore. Not safe at all. I have no feelings for him. I just don't. Something inside me broke and there's no fixing that part with him. Again I can't even explain the way it makes me feel. I just don't know anymore.
He wants to know Ho w come I use to like and at least could pretend to like it and now I can't. OMG! I am so very tired of talking about touching my twat! It makes me want to hurl. If he can say twat I can say hurl.
I just don't feel safe anymore. Not safe at all. I have no feelings for him. I just don't. Something inside me broke and there's no fixing that part with him. Again I can't even explain the way it makes me feel. I just don't know anymore.
Replies
you don\'t trust him, and Im sure u have your reasons (I can name atleast 3 from this one paragraph journal!) its a new year, make the best choices for your self. Happy New Year, I hope 2016 brings u strength and courage to love yourself enough to walk away from anyone who does not xoxoxo
I\'m so sorry just, and I could relate to a lot of that while I was with my husband. AT the end the thought of him touching me made my skin crawl. He also called my body parts by names like \"twat\", in fact he used to call me \"twat\" as a nickname. Icckkkk
One thing I will say is you don\'t owe him an explanation, you don\'t have to justify your feelings. Unfortunately he will never understand so it\'s wasting your energy to try to achieve that. I always felt like I owed my husband some sort of explanation or justification if I didn\'t want to do what he wanted. Your feelings are yours and they happen for a reason (a good reason). I\'m so sorry you\'re going through this. You deserve much better. ((((((((Hugs)))))))))
Thank you guys for the encouraging words. It really helps and means a lot.