Heard
I'm trapped in a horrible marriage. And. I don't know what's what.
Is it just because I'm unhappy? Is there really abuse? Is it me or is it him? I don't think it's always been this bad. I don't know what it is. He doesn't yell or call names. He isn't belligerent....I'm probably more that way. I haven't loved (or been in love with) him in 5 yrs. I have no feelings for him beyond he is the father of my children and I provider.
Today it's a dress. My daughter wanted to stay in her dress after church. A $5 clearance dress she got for her bday from her grandmother. He wants us to learn to take off our church clothes, keep them nice. I get that...it's fair. But she had on a simple cotton dress and wasn't playing outside. Just inside. So I discussed it w him. She's a little girl. She likes to be dressed up. It's normal. She should be able to if it's appropriate. He decided she could stay dressed up but he would charge her a dollar. I disagreed. He continued explaining the way he felt....I told him he was entitled to his opinions but refused to agree with him. So he shut off the internet. Grounded my oldest son from media for something that happened on Friday...for which my son has apologized and try to make retribution for. My husband (when I asked him) said my son is grounded because my son didn't ask for mercy today from my husband...that it has nothing to do with me refusing to agree...well except that showed my husband he's too easy on the kids.
I know I should leave. I don't know how. I'm not strong enough. I'm not brave enough.
I'm not looking for validation or to be told it's abuse or how to leave. I can't pull my kids away from their lives and turn it upside down. I can't do that to them. I know most here don't agree. And I'm ok w that. But I just need to be heard.
Is it just because I'm unhappy? Is there really abuse? Is it me or is it him? I don't think it's always been this bad. I don't know what it is. He doesn't yell or call names. He isn't belligerent....I'm probably more that way. I haven't loved (or been in love with) him in 5 yrs. I have no feelings for him beyond he is the father of my children and I provider.
Today it's a dress. My daughter wanted to stay in her dress after church. A $5 clearance dress she got for her bday from her grandmother. He wants us to learn to take off our church clothes, keep them nice. I get that...it's fair. But she had on a simple cotton dress and wasn't playing outside. Just inside. So I discussed it w him. She's a little girl. She likes to be dressed up. It's normal. She should be able to if it's appropriate. He decided she could stay dressed up but he would charge her a dollar. I disagreed. He continued explaining the way he felt....I told him he was entitled to his opinions but refused to agree with him. So he shut off the internet. Grounded my oldest son from media for something that happened on Friday...for which my son has apologized and try to make retribution for. My husband (when I asked him) said my son is grounded because my son didn't ask for mercy today from my husband...that it has nothing to do with me refusing to agree...well except that showed my husband he's too easy on the kids.
I know I should leave. I don't know how. I'm not strong enough. I'm not brave enough.
I'm not looking for validation or to be told it's abuse or how to leave. I can't pull my kids away from their lives and turn it upside down. I can't do that to them. I know most here don't agree. And I'm ok w that. But I just need to be heard.
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