I don't know how many other people in the country manage to lose weight over Christmas.
I'm 49kg.
My family says I'm too thin.
Dan says I'm too thin.
I'm at my lowest weight ever and yet I cried in a changing room today because of how fat I think I look.
I think the weirdest thing is that every time I hit a new low weight, I get massive urges to binge. I've eaten so much in the last few days and I feel so enormous - but I can't gain any weight.
I think I'd like to gain some weight. Sometimes I think Dan doesn't find me attractive any more.
I'd also like to get rid of this. I want a life without it.
But I don't know if I even could live without it.