I had a job interview yesterday, for a PA position. I'll find out if I've got it tomorrow.
I guess stuff has happened lately. We - Dan, Maureen and I - went to an open-air museum on Tuesday. I fed some sheep and wore a pinafore; Dan wore a silly hat and walked the dog.
I had work today, but I was let out early, and I've only got eight-hour shifts for the rest of the week - except Sunday, when I have training from nine til one. I don't know what they're training us in - we already know how to roll burritos.
Dan and I had a great evening last night. Or did we? I made some nice pasta and browsed FetLife and so did he, and then we made out, and then we watched Ramsay and talked. Everything was fine until I was looking at flats. Dan suddenly seems to have cold feet about the whole thing - he's worried he won't find a job, and he just seems like he's too comfortable here to want to move. I've offered to pay the rent if I get a job first, at least until he gets himself set up, but he won't let me. The whole argument just really upset me; he says he needs 'time to adjust', but I don't have time. I want out of Croxley, out of Watford, out of my stupid dead-end job, out of being dependent on his parents. I need my own space, my own place. Somewhere I don't feel like such an intruder, or so homesick. There's something terrible about being surrounded by a family you're not part of.
Mostly, I need friends. I'm so lonely here. My coworkers think I'm pretentious, and I'm excluded from all the work socials. Not necessarily excluded, just never invited. I gave up so much to move here - my uni friends, my housemates, my choir, Cecily and Andrew. And now all I have is Dan, and it's not enough. I'm craving friendship too.
I'm considering moving out on my own if I do get this job, and moving into my own studio - just for a little while. Just as a stop-gap until Dan gets himself sorted out. I just need to stop being 'Dan's girlfriend', and just be 'Chessie' for a while.
I guess stuff has happened lately. We - Dan, Maureen and I - went to an open-air museum on Tuesday. I fed some sheep and wore a pinafore; Dan wore a silly hat and walked the dog.
I had work today, but I was let out early, and I've only got eight-hour shifts for the rest of the week - except Sunday, when I have training from nine til one. I don't know what they're training us in - we already know how to roll burritos.
Dan and I had a great evening last night. Or did we? I made some nice pasta and browsed FetLife and so did he, and then we made out, and then we watched Ramsay and talked. Everything was fine until I was looking at flats. Dan suddenly seems to have cold feet about the whole thing - he's worried he won't find a job, and he just seems like he's too comfortable here to want to move. I've offered to pay the rent if I get a job first, at least until he gets himself set up, but he won't let me. The whole argument just really upset me; he says he needs 'time to adjust', but I don't have time. I want out of Croxley, out of Watford, out of my stupid dead-end job, out of being dependent on his parents. I need my own space, my own place. Somewhere I don't feel like such an intruder, or so homesick. There's something terrible about being surrounded by a family you're not part of.
Mostly, I need friends. I'm so lonely here. My coworkers think I'm pretentious, and I'm excluded from all the work socials. Not necessarily excluded, just never invited. I gave up so much to move here - my uni friends, my housemates, my choir, Cecily and Andrew. And now all I have is Dan, and it's not enough. I'm craving friendship too.
I'm considering moving out on my own if I do get this job, and moving into my own studio - just for a little while. Just as a stop-gap until Dan gets himself sorted out. I just need to stop being 'Dan's girlfriend', and just be 'Chessie' for a while.
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