Dear Kitty,
I'm listening to the American Beauty soundtrack, and it's just making me think of last October and how different things are. I feel so much older than I did then, even though it's only been a year. But, while I feel older, I also feel small and scared and lost. It's strange, and I don't like it.
And - gosh, I wish I could tell the Fran of 2010 this - I have a thigh gap! And I've had it for about three weeks now, without stopping! I'm feeling pleased, but I've let my eating get out of control over the last few days, and I'm going to sort that out tomorrow. Cutting down on caffeine is going well - all I've had lately is a coffee last Monday and a bottle of Diet Coke today. Cutting down on sugar is going less well, but it's sort of happening. As for giving up smoking? I last smoked ten days ago. I miss it a lot, so I'm not sure if this will be a permanent thing or not. Luckily, Stef is giving up as well, so we're doing it together. I think one of the main reasons I want to smoke so much right now, though, is because I'm writing again, and all I want to do is wear big jumpers and sit outside and drink lots of tea and write and smoke and read.
I've started dressing more strangely lately. I went into uni in a tunic and a turtleneck today, and my outfits for the last few weeks have mostly been centered around my leather jacket. I wore my pinafore to church on Sunday, and, tomorrow, I'm going to wear my men's white shirt, Dad's jumper and leggings and heels. I'm enjoying trying to be androgynous, but my breasts are still too big to pull it off properly.
Yours,
Chessie
I'm listening to the American Beauty soundtrack, and it's just making me think of last October and how different things are. I feel so much older than I did then, even though it's only been a year. But, while I feel older, I also feel small and scared and lost. It's strange, and I don't like it.
And - gosh, I wish I could tell the Fran of 2010 this - I have a thigh gap! And I've had it for about three weeks now, without stopping! I'm feeling pleased, but I've let my eating get out of control over the last few days, and I'm going to sort that out tomorrow. Cutting down on caffeine is going well - all I've had lately is a coffee last Monday and a bottle of Diet Coke today. Cutting down on sugar is going less well, but it's sort of happening. As for giving up smoking? I last smoked ten days ago. I miss it a lot, so I'm not sure if this will be a permanent thing or not. Luckily, Stef is giving up as well, so we're doing it together. I think one of the main reasons I want to smoke so much right now, though, is because I'm writing again, and all I want to do is wear big jumpers and sit outside and drink lots of tea and write and smoke and read.
I've started dressing more strangely lately. I went into uni in a tunic and a turtleneck today, and my outfits for the last few weeks have mostly been centered around my leather jacket. I wore my pinafore to church on Sunday, and, tomorrow, I'm going to wear my men's white shirt, Dad's jumper and leggings and heels. I'm enjoying trying to be androgynous, but my breasts are still too big to pull it off properly.
Yours,
Chessie
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