So I've been on these tablets for five days. I'm lethargic and sniffly, which isn't great, and they've been making me more depressed than I was. I spent most of Thursday Friday lying on my bed and crying - mostly about Hector - apart from when I had the second bit of my induction for Wetherspoons. Even then, the train journey was hell, and all I seem to be able to think about right now is suicide. I suppose it's a good thing that Janie's got my tablets, but it makes me feel so - I can't find the word. Sheltered? Protected? Juvenile? I'd like to be able to keep my meds and take them when I need to, so I don't have to rely on someone else, but I know I can't do that right now, or at least that I'm not allowed to do it right now. Dependent. That's the word.
I went out with Mark last night, after I made most of Dan's dressing gown. We had a drink in Odder, then went to The Salisbury, and, after a stop in Spar, went back to his. We played two games of MarioKart and talked for a little while, then played The Big Bang Theory drinking game. Overall last night, I had one cocktail, a Vimto and vodka and around two glasses of wine. Usually I'd be fine with that but - well, with these tablets killing my appetite and all, I hadn't eaten much (I had to buy a bar of chocolate on the way down because I went all cold and shaky), and it's probably not a sensible idea to drink while on these meds anyway. I threw up in Mark's bathroom while he held my hair. All I really remember is saying 'please don't make me throw up, I don't want to' and him saying 'it's ok, you're safe here'. He carried me there and back (can't remember why, because I was capable of walking) and then we watched more Big Bang Theory before he put me to bed in the spare room.
He woke me up at half ten, after three hours sleep. I've been hungover all day, and fairly grumpy. Luckily, Dan's dressing gown is almost done. I'm getting up early tomorrow to finish it, but I'm also getting an early night tonight. I had a nap this afternoon, which was nice. I mean, I've been lying on the sofa for most of this week, but sleep just doesn't seem to want to happen. I'm off to Dan's tomorrow, and I hope I'll perk up. If I don't, I'm just going to be fantastically grumpy and tired, which I don't want.
Mark says I'm not allowed to die.
I went out with Mark last night, after I made most of Dan's dressing gown. We had a drink in Odder, then went to The Salisbury, and, after a stop in Spar, went back to his. We played two games of MarioKart and talked for a little while, then played The Big Bang Theory drinking game. Overall last night, I had one cocktail, a Vimto and vodka and around two glasses of wine. Usually I'd be fine with that but - well, with these tablets killing my appetite and all, I hadn't eaten much (I had to buy a bar of chocolate on the way down because I went all cold and shaky), and it's probably not a sensible idea to drink while on these meds anyway. I threw up in Mark's bathroom while he held my hair. All I really remember is saying 'please don't make me throw up, I don't want to' and him saying 'it's ok, you're safe here'. He carried me there and back (can't remember why, because I was capable of walking) and then we watched more Big Bang Theory before he put me to bed in the spare room.
He woke me up at half ten, after three hours sleep. I've been hungover all day, and fairly grumpy. Luckily, Dan's dressing gown is almost done. I'm getting up early tomorrow to finish it, but I'm also getting an early night tonight. I had a nap this afternoon, which was nice. I mean, I've been lying on the sofa for most of this week, but sleep just doesn't seem to want to happen. I'm off to Dan's tomorrow, and I hope I'll perk up. If I don't, I'm just going to be fantastically grumpy and tired, which I don't want.
Mark says I'm not allowed to die.
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