Dear Kitty,
apart from missing Alex (shut up, Chessie), I've been thinking about the future a lot recently.
Faith has been an enormous part of my life for the last four and a half years or so, and, now that I'm here in Paris, my belief in God seems to be getting stronger every day. I've spent a lot of time thinking, and I understand that God has a plan for me - I may not know that plan, and I may not think it's the right thing when it does happen, but God does what He knows is right.
This seems irrelevant. I am getting to the point now.
When I was twelve or so, my godmother sent me a book on girls who became missionaries, and, despite not being a Christian back then, it put some ideas into my head that I haven't forgotten. The other night, I suddenly realised that I wasn't sure if I was in the right place, and I'm wondering if I ought to be working somewhere else, where my help is really necessary - such as volunteering, or working with deaf-blind children. The latter idea came into my head about six months ago and has refused to leave, and I'm wondering - is that what God really wants me to do?
Every day, I feel like I ought to be doing more with my faith, and helping those who need help. Here, I'm not doing that, and I'm becoming more resentful and self-centered as time goes by.
None of this makes sense now that I read it back, but I needed to 'splurge' about this somehow. I'm going to Corsica this weekend, and I plan to spend as much of my free time as possible thinking about this. Maybe my new sketchbook will help.
Yours,
Chessie