Dear Kitty,
I wish I could be more forgiving - and yet half of what I think is how annoyed I am over something that happened days, weeks, even years ago. Things from Oundle, things from old friends, things that I can hardly remember - but they're all there, and they make me so upset sometimes. Prayer helps - it really does, but I surprise myself with how angry I can get.
I was lying in bed last night, thinking about school, and I realised that I know the route to the Gascoigne from Kirkeby better than I know any other place in the world. I lay in bed, smiling and mentally walking my favourite path - I think I got to the Chapel before I fell asleep. I was savouring every moment, and it felt oh so real...
Aside from that, I don't know what to do about Alex. I want it all to continue so much, and I'm seeing him in three weeks - but will it be the same? I think I might be in love, but if the distance is going to hurt him, I want it to end now rather than later.
It got dark so early today. Autumn is almost here; the end of this long, hot, Indian summer. Christmas and Advent in Paris wil be magical - but spending Advent away from those I know will be odd. Even missing Halloween feels wrong, somehow. I expect I'm just tired.
Also I've been having some really weird thoughts over the last few days. They appear periodically and surprise me, and seem normal and natural, until I think about them. Well, they usually seem normal - a few have been a bit 'out'. Sometimes I wonder if I might be going mad, but I expect it's nothing.
Yours,
Francesca
P.S. I did lose weight over the weekend, and I'm feeling happy about that.
I wish I could be more forgiving - and yet half of what I think is how annoyed I am over something that happened days, weeks, even years ago. Things from Oundle, things from old friends, things that I can hardly remember - but they're all there, and they make me so upset sometimes. Prayer helps - it really does, but I surprise myself with how angry I can get.
I was lying in bed last night, thinking about school, and I realised that I know the route to the Gascoigne from Kirkeby better than I know any other place in the world. I lay in bed, smiling and mentally walking my favourite path - I think I got to the Chapel before I fell asleep. I was savouring every moment, and it felt oh so real...
Aside from that, I don't know what to do about Alex. I want it all to continue so much, and I'm seeing him in three weeks - but will it be the same? I think I might be in love, but if the distance is going to hurt him, I want it to end now rather than later.
It got dark so early today. Autumn is almost here; the end of this long, hot, Indian summer. Christmas and Advent in Paris wil be magical - but spending Advent away from those I know will be odd. Even missing Halloween feels wrong, somehow. I expect I'm just tired.
Also I've been having some really weird thoughts over the last few days. They appear periodically and surprise me, and seem normal and natural, until I think about them. Well, they usually seem normal - a few have been a bit 'out'. Sometimes I wonder if I might be going mad, but I expect it's nothing.
Yours,
Francesca
P.S. I did lose weight over the weekend, and I'm feeling happy about that.
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