My dearest Kitty,                       Tom rang me last night, regarding my latest entry. He says I shouldn't feel bad about not wanting him to leave, but...like much of the rest of my life, it's complicated. But it was just the sort of resigned way that he said last night 'You've closed up again, haven't you?' It was just like he knew I was upset and that I wouldn't be able to talk. And that, in itself, makes me feel worse. Because it's when people want me to talk to them and I can't that they get frustrated and I really hate doing that to people. Especially when it's people that I really care about; I just feel like such a failure for not being able to talk to them and worrying them because I can't. It's stupid, I know, and it's my fault for not talking, but it's the one thing that I find really really difficult. I know that this sounds really stupid coming from someone like me who can talk the most extortionate amount of rubbish when I want to, but I find it hard to talk about things like that; I'm better at listening to other people's problems, not talking about my own.                I know that this is another of my confused ramblings about my failings, so I shan't expect you to make any sense of it. I'm getting rather repetitive, and I'm sorry for boring you. Anyway, I'll try and lighten up for next time. I'm still managing to hold off, but it's getting harder at the moment. I'm probably just tired; it'll be fine soon, I'm sure. I hope.Ever yours,        Francesca