My dearest darling,
I'm sorry for being so down again, but I've realised something:
I've been with Freya for ages tonight, and it's been fun. She's always so nice and friendly...she's funny, sweet, kind, and always makes me feel better. I love her so much...as I do the others. But the thing with Freya is that she's always happy; she's the strongest person I've ever met. So much has happened to her, but she's got that amazing ability to see the best in every situation. She's so strong, and I don't know how she keeps going.
And then there's Fraser; always calm, but happy. He's been down recently and I don't know what I can do to help him...but Freya, the girl who's there for everyone, does, which is really good. But still, he's always been there for me too; the number of uplifting phone calls I've had with him is ridiculous. And he's really cute too - even though I know I can't say that because I'm going out with Hector - but I've loved him since third form, and I can't stop. He's just an all round great guy...which brings me to the problem of Hector.
Hector; my boyfriend, my best friend and the person who knows me best. I love him too...but not in that way. He's my boyfriend, but I've made such a terrible mistake by going out with him; I love Fraser, and I always will. Obviously, I can't tell him this or he will, to use Freya's word, go 'schiz'. So I don't know what to do and, if I'm honest, I'm too overwhelmed by all of this.
I cried today for the first time in ages...crying is just not something that I do. It was because Freya's so amazing and strong, and she does so much for other people...and, compared to her, I do nothing. I'm so insignificant, and I'm a bitch, and I'm weak. And I can't take it anymore, I really can't. I'm trying to hold on for Freya and the others, and I'm just about managing...but I know that soon, I'm just going to be tipped over. And then I definitely won't be able to take it anymore. And something will happen - and I know what - and then, hopefully, I won't be here anymore to deal with it.
So I'm marking this is 'only my friends can see this' because I can't let two people - Fraser and Hector - read this entry. I know, or at least, I think I know, that Freya will read this, and hopefully she won't tell anyone about what I've written, even though she knows almost all of it anyway, except for the last part.
So, my dearest, I will write again soon. Or as soon as I can anyhow. At the moment, I'm just going to keep holding on; Freya is currently my rope that I am attached to, and it's her that's keeping me from falling. Thank you so much, Freya; you honestly don't know how much you've done for me. Really you don't.
I'll write again soon.
Yours,
Francesca
I'm sorry for being so down again, but I've realised something:
I've been with Freya for ages tonight, and it's been fun. She's always so nice and friendly...she's funny, sweet, kind, and always makes me feel better. I love her so much...as I do the others. But the thing with Freya is that she's always happy; she's the strongest person I've ever met. So much has happened to her, but she's got that amazing ability to see the best in every situation. She's so strong, and I don't know how she keeps going.
And then there's Fraser; always calm, but happy. He's been down recently and I don't know what I can do to help him...but Freya, the girl who's there for everyone, does, which is really good. But still, he's always been there for me too; the number of uplifting phone calls I've had with him is ridiculous. And he's really cute too - even though I know I can't say that because I'm going out with Hector - but I've loved him since third form, and I can't stop. He's just an all round great guy...which brings me to the problem of Hector.
Hector; my boyfriend, my best friend and the person who knows me best. I love him too...but not in that way. He's my boyfriend, but I've made such a terrible mistake by going out with him; I love Fraser, and I always will. Obviously, I can't tell him this or he will, to use Freya's word, go 'schiz'. So I don't know what to do and, if I'm honest, I'm too overwhelmed by all of this.
I cried today for the first time in ages...crying is just not something that I do. It was because Freya's so amazing and strong, and she does so much for other people...and, compared to her, I do nothing. I'm so insignificant, and I'm a bitch, and I'm weak. And I can't take it anymore, I really can't. I'm trying to hold on for Freya and the others, and I'm just about managing...but I know that soon, I'm just going to be tipped over. And then I definitely won't be able to take it anymore. And something will happen - and I know what - and then, hopefully, I won't be here anymore to deal with it.
So I'm marking this is 'only my friends can see this' because I can't let two people - Fraser and Hector - read this entry. I know, or at least, I think I know, that Freya will read this, and hopefully she won't tell anyone about what I've written, even though she knows almost all of it anyway, except for the last part.
So, my dearest, I will write again soon. Or as soon as I can anyhow. At the moment, I'm just going to keep holding on; Freya is currently my rope that I am attached to, and it's her that's keeping me from falling. Thank you so much, Freya; you honestly don't know how much you've done for me. Really you don't.
I'll write again soon.
Yours,
Francesca
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