Dearest Kitty,                 I don't know what to do. I got back from Open House about an hour and twenty minutes ago, but I haven't had time to write because I've been at a part song rehearsal. Anyway, really I'm just writing because...there's a lot on my mind and I have to keep a bright front for Amy; she's absolutely distraught over Thommy, so I have to keep it up for her. It's just...oh, dear god, I just wish that...I hadn't said anything over the holiday. It isn't the same; it's...almost how it was, but now it's sometimes just...more complicated than it was, and there are sometimes these horrid awkward silences...he said it would be the same, but it isn't. I know it isn't...and I don't know if he knows...                 It's like what Mr Hannis said in Latin; if only things had been different. We ended up having quite a deep discussion about Hitler and what would have happened if things had been different...if Hitler had been accepted by the art college, would the Holocaust have happened? Would hundreds of people have gone on living as normal? If I hadn't said anything...would it still be the same?                 But it isn't the same, and I wish it were! If I hadn't stayed up that night, or if the conversation had been different...I'm sure he would have found out anyway, but if only it had been different...                 I use the phrase 'if only' so much, Kitty...but it doesn't mean anything. I can't reverse time and change the past...if I could...oh, if I could, Kitty...                 But I know I can't. I'll stop dreaming while I'm awake and go to sleep now, Kitty.Yours,Francesca