Dearest Kitty,               There's so much I want to say. I'd like to be able to tell you everything...but, in fear that Hector and Fraser read this, I can't. I'd like to say why I do it, and why I want to do it so much...but it's so hard to put into words, and nobody would understand if I were to write why anyway. But I want to so much...I'm starting to have to write in this; really, this is my only outlet at the moment. I was so close to Hector today, and I wanted to say everything so much...but I just couldn't. It's like an invisible wall. I need to tell someone, and he's the only person who I'm really close to...but...even then, it's all just too difficult. I'd like to be able to put my thoughts and feelings into words, but I just can't. I wish that I could.                I wish that I could just let myself cry, for once. I know that it'd make me feel a little better...but everytime tears threaten, I have to force myself to blink them back. I wish that I could just let go for a change, but I simply can't. I hate not being able to, but I can't just let it all go. I wish that I didn't have to go along like this; I wish that I didn't even have to live. I'm going to see Amanda on the ninth, and I know that she'll try to help, but, even so... I wish that I didn't have to.              Oh, Kitty...so many wishes, and not enough ways to grant them.Francesca