broken

It's been six weeks since my last journal........... where does the time go?
on April 18th we lost my dear brother Michael. He was 45. My closest of all the siblings.(there are 7 of us) He described it best, we are yin and yang. (from a text weeks before) 2 halves that are whole. we've been that way our whole lives. We're a year and 5 days apart in age. 
He left a note, not a suicide note, but a note if you read this I'm probably gone kind of note. 3 full pages............ we estimate he wrote it about a year ago, well before Brandon's death anyway. He's been battling some demons. He lost that battle. But he vowed to win the war. I think he meant through me. I will do everything in my power for him to be heard, and for other disabled veterans to be heard. 
I flew to Indiana to where he lived to help take care of some of his things...... his Daughter and my older brother were also there. 
His memorial is this Saturday May 2nd. when will the insanity end.
Now my mother is a part of this awful family as well. She has turned to me a lot ........... because I've been through it. Still trying to cope through it, which is really hard on me. I'm doing the best I can for her. Told her to not be alone and to stay with people who love her. She's been staying at my Aunts house. Bless her heart. 
My mother is this hard core, cold, battle ridden, badass kind of woman, to see her softer side has taken me aback a bit. It's tough to see, but I know she is a survivor. My father, on the other hand, is .........numb I guess, just like I am. He's in assisted living and they've been checking on him often. He's in good hands.
 Makes me think of Brandon even more........ but comforted knowing his favorite uncle walks beside him now. May you both rest in peace, and know you are unbelieveably loved!