Wow, been a long time since my last entry. Here's how things are:
Tigger was euthanized. I still miss both her & Spike terribly, some days more than others.
The clock began on our divorce May 27th. He won't sign the papers. So, PA will make me wait 2 years to divorce him. It took me a while to accept that. I hate this unfinished business hanging over me. But I've come to the conclusion that there's nothing I can do about it. He won't return my communications, he obviously doesn't want the $ I set aside for him. Fine.
My BF & I have been together 6 months today. We're living together w/ Eddie (a cat the ex & I had picked out) & a new kitten I just got the other day from a co-worker who's cat gave birth in April. We've had our rocky moments, esp. when the ex was still here.
I haven't cut at all, but my drinking became more & more frequent & more & more motivated by negative emotions like anger, fear, & loneliness. Last Sat. was the pinnacle. After a stupid fight, I went out drinking, tried to drive home, & hit someone head-on. I spent the night in jail. I'll be charged w/ DUI. My car is completely wrecked. I have no transportation now and am relying on a combo of feet, bus, friends, & taxi.
I made a vow to myself, my BF, & my family on Sun. that I would straighten out. After all, I'm 33 years old, not too old to start anew but definitely too old to be acting like a little shit. I went to AA on Tues. I had my doc increase my anti-depressant level.
So far, I'm doing ok. Today's been a challenge though. I've been feeling lonely which in turn causes me to feel sorry for myself. I keep trying to distract myself, but it just isn't working. I do believe I will go take a melatonin (because my mind is racing & I can't sleep) & read for a bit. I hope that will help. It certainly cannot hurt.
Tigger was euthanized. I still miss both her & Spike terribly, some days more than others.
The clock began on our divorce May 27th. He won't sign the papers. So, PA will make me wait 2 years to divorce him. It took me a while to accept that. I hate this unfinished business hanging over me. But I've come to the conclusion that there's nothing I can do about it. He won't return my communications, he obviously doesn't want the $ I set aside for him. Fine.
My BF & I have been together 6 months today. We're living together w/ Eddie (a cat the ex & I had picked out) & a new kitten I just got the other day from a co-worker who's cat gave birth in April. We've had our rocky moments, esp. when the ex was still here.
I haven't cut at all, but my drinking became more & more frequent & more & more motivated by negative emotions like anger, fear, & loneliness. Last Sat. was the pinnacle. After a stupid fight, I went out drinking, tried to drive home, & hit someone head-on. I spent the night in jail. I'll be charged w/ DUI. My car is completely wrecked. I have no transportation now and am relying on a combo of feet, bus, friends, & taxi.
I made a vow to myself, my BF, & my family on Sun. that I would straighten out. After all, I'm 33 years old, not too old to start anew but definitely too old to be acting like a little shit. I went to AA on Tues. I had my doc increase my anti-depressant level.
So far, I'm doing ok. Today's been a challenge though. I've been feeling lonely which in turn causes me to feel sorry for myself. I keep trying to distract myself, but it just isn't working. I do believe I will go take a melatonin (because my mind is racing & I can't sleep) & read for a bit. I hope that will help. It certainly cannot hurt.
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