(7) My Diary '14th October 2016'

14th October 2016 I wrote;

((( Whats the cure to all this misery? Time isn't going to change anything. It isn't going to make me love you less, miss you less. It might even get worse with time. 04:02AM I haven't slept properly in over a week. I'm eating like shit. You'd be really upset with the way I'm dealing with this. I have no plans in place. I'm angry at the thought of going back home. I don't even want to class it as home. Because home was with you. I had a taste of paradise with you. I feel left in no mans land. I'm wounded from the battle. My horse deserted me. Very much alone and done for.

I want to be with you, badly. But I know I must keep fighting this battle. My horse will return to me one day. And when he does I will be saved. )))

Hi again. I was using the horse as a metaphor for him. He was my horse who carried me and fought with me. Never gave up on me, tried the very best to keep me happy. When he died, I said, "My horse deserted me" but he didn't do it by choice. The aneurysm was unknown. It snatched him away from me. "My horse will return to me one day" the day I die so we can be reunited. And honestly that day couldn't come any quicker.

I'm going to make this journal entry short because I'm tired and I have a bunch of emotions running through me. A family friend died today. I found out on facebook can you believe it. I have a presentation to make for this work experience course I'm doing, I'm really lacking motivation. And I absolutely hate talking in front of people. I'm sad and stressed. Tired and aching. But in all honesty, I feel absolutely miserable. I just want to sleep and never wake up. 

I really hate living like this.