7:57 P.M.

well, im out of bed after i got off here, i tokk 1 nd a half xanex. thought i would be able to take a nap, not happening. i used to be able to nap all the time, before all this losing myu job bussiness. esspecially concedering how hung over i am today. drank a little whiskey last night, had to they were driving my to drink litterally. well anyway now im up cause i keep giong over the last 2 days in my head like i allways do trying to figure out what and  how many stupid things i might have said or done there. i allways do that i annalize my day from the point of veiw of others. that is so stupid. i know that in my mind, sort of.so now i  got some coffee going. mk came home for a few minutes. very drunk. he went bak out. his buddy is going to pay his way to the vp fair. im so glad he has freinds whith money. he got 20. back from me now i have to stretch 40. for food and gas for a week. its so hard being this broke. i think about it all the time. im allways wondering how the next bill is getting paid. so i got the rent n phone thanks to sis and dn, ja will pay cable. i realy should let it go but it is my buddy along whith this internet. i find myself going strait to this site atomaticly. i pray it never goes away. i realy need to get some of this crap out os me i was thinking about the last 2 days, i allways end up thinking that i am the one that is not right wene i go out there. i have to remind myself.,they are not right. i mean i know im not right, but at leaste i know it and fess up to it. everything has to be so perfect. oh well, im back here now. just me and my raceing thoughts. ok coffee ready, will write moore soon tonight hopefully. still pretty shacky hard to type like this. back soon...