7:32

March 15 is nearly here, and with that the beginning of the end firsts.  It is the day my husband collasped with an aneurysm.  Each second of that day is etched in my mind, but most of it is also etched in my PDA(archaic electronic notebook).  On that day the doctor told me he had an aneurysm.  Two of them to be precise.  I remember scanning my brain for information on this somewhat familiar word.  I pulled out my PDA, asked for the correct spelling of the word and wrote it down.  7:32, the note read.  Aneurysm. 
That is the precise time my life changed.
Today I was looking at the notes, remembering the moments in detail. 
At 6:15 the medical staff sent me out of his room and asked for my cell phone number.  I couldn't remember, so I looked it up and told them.  Then I wrote it in my PDA.
At 8:41, I looked up the name of his boss, writing it down in my PDA, Howard, call him in the morning.
A kindly priest came out and sat with me.  I wrote his name down at 8:55.
At 9:08 a doctor came out and introduced himself.  I wrote his name, Dr. Mason.
And then my PDA skips forward to the next day.  I couldn't sleep and the entries are there to attest to that fact:
5: 52 am the telephone number of his cousin is written, along with the note to call him later.  And the list continues, 5:55, 6:05, 7:44, 7:52, 8:00. 
Time passes and the notes in my PDA attest to the life I now lead.  There are names of lawyers, bank officials, his relatives, clients, page after page historically chronicalled in my PDA.. 
Then March 30 arrives and I see nothing but the name of his closest relative, a minister who came to say a few words before they disconnected life support.
 
And so it goes, all recorded there in a tiny electronic devise.  Today I wondered if I should delete the folder, move on, but somehow having the record made me feel closer to my husband, for there cataloged for all time is a record of the many friends and coworkers who truly loved him.  It is a record I will always treasure. 

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

We will both be dealing with a lot of feelings then. My husband\'s birthday is March 14th. I will be thinking of you too!
DianeMTB
DianeMTB

You do what is best for yourself. I wrote the whole experience of Smokey\'s death on paper. Time went by and I realized it was not healthy to keep my notes so I ripped them to shreds. I am glad I did. He was the love of my life and I am having difficulty moving forward. My heart remains numb to anyone else. I gave myself wholly and completely to Smokey. No on has been abled to thaw out my numbed heart. All the best in having to go thru the anniversary. It is not easy. You will get thru it one day at a time. From Diane B.