7/14/2013
Raining ..Raining am I feeling blue today,, well... it is far better than dealing with a major storm and I'll take this any day,, I feel tired a worn out ,, took a nap when I really did not need a nap.. the demons are stirring again,,, going to a meeting in about an hour,, it is just about 5 minutes from here so it is not much of an effort,,
No e/mail responses today... which is a bit depressing ,, was going to go to Rebels today,, but got too lazy I guess ..weekends are very slow there and few people there I would really want to see anyway,,, tired of being by myself,, need to get out and be around others,,, in any venue..
It is interesting that the online contacts I make appear so needy and alone and when I make contact they seem to just flitter away after a short while .. I know that I should not take it in the spirit of my expectations, and yet I do despite all the excuses in the world,,, I know better than this ,, I know that there are so many things I can involve myself in,, but I ask myself ..OK,,, But what !! .. and when it does come up ,, it recedes into nothingness,, and then I complain,,
The problem here appears to be a firm focus .. a definite direction ,, and a firm decision to explore the result of that focus ,, instead of allowing it to slip away into the ether.... I have allowed my lethargy to get the better of me and to direct my actions, the thoughts are clearly there,, it is the action following those thoughts that are lacking ,,, and it is causing me to feel this way,, and there is no need for it ,,,
No e/mail responses today... which is a bit depressing ,, was going to go to Rebels today,, but got too lazy I guess ..weekends are very slow there and few people there I would really want to see anyway,,, tired of being by myself,, need to get out and be around others,,, in any venue..
It is interesting that the online contacts I make appear so needy and alone and when I make contact they seem to just flitter away after a short while .. I know that I should not take it in the spirit of my expectations, and yet I do despite all the excuses in the world,,, I know better than this ,, I know that there are so many things I can involve myself in,, but I ask myself ..OK,,, But what !! .. and when it does come up ,, it recedes into nothingness,, and then I complain,,
The problem here appears to be a firm focus .. a definite direction ,, and a firm decision to explore the result of that focus ,, instead of allowing it to slip away into the ether.... I have allowed my lethargy to get the better of me and to direct my actions, the thoughts are clearly there,, it is the action following those thoughts that are lacking ,,, and it is causing me to feel this way,, and there is no need for it ,,,
Replies
It\'s always hard to stay connected to people. Sometimes no matter how we try it just doesn\'t happen. It\'s easy to fall into the pattern of staying home alone and letting depression take over. I have had so many problems lately that I can barely stay awake. Depression wants to overwhelm me. But I fight it and try to focus on other things. But still, it IS hard.
Enjoy the rain! I know... easy for me to say sweltering here in the California heat. How I would love rain! But I will do whatever it takes to not have to move back to the east coast because the winter would be horrible for me. Yes, life would be easier - my family is there, my mom would financially support me (at the cost of my independence and I couldn\'t live with the guilt of being dependent on her at my age!). But I love my house and being independent. As long as I can make it financially.
Life is hard when you\'re alone. Believe it or not I envy you the feline company you have. I love cats but they are too much work and expense for me. Pet your cat and remember how lucky you are that you have the companionship. Really, we\'re never truly alone. The hardest part is remembering that!
- Lynn
I also know how it can be lonely when you live alone. I am not allowed to have pets where I am...I have learned people here come and go for many reasons. Don\'t take it personally. I for one go in spurts.... I know I am not anywhere near you even though I am in Florida...anytime you want to chat or just need a friend you can message me here. sherri