7/11/2014
Had been doing really well. Yesterday I received an email about one job and a phone call about another one. I returned the phone call and set up an interview for today. Ran errands. Got my hair cut, etc. Went out to dinner with a friend.
Had a horrible dream this morning. Dreamed I was working as a checker for a grocery store. I have actually done that. In the dream I kept making mistakes. Stupid mistakes. And they told me that they wanted me to be comfortable with the job but I needed to be there mentally and it didnt seem like I was.
When I woke up my anxiety level was all over the place and my confidence was nonexistent. I had already been worried that maybe I couldnt do that job. The dream made it worse. I ended up calling them and telling them I had a family emergency and wouldnt be back till Tuesday. I'm supposed to call them Monday afternoon to see if I can reschedule.
The reason I cant do the meeting on Monday is I am putting my car in the shop. Having some problems with it and I really dont like to be driving it right now.
Jobs-I need to go to the college and get my transcripts. It's absolutely necessary. I keep not doing it.
There are some forms I need to print out but I dont have a printer on my laptop. I need to either email them to a friend and have her print them out or go to the library and use one of the computers they have. I keep not doing it.
One job requires me to take some kind of test but it cant be done with Chrome-which is what I have. I need to go to the library and do it there. I keep not doing it.
My apt is a disaster area. I need to be packing and cleaning etc getting ready to move. I keep putting the garbage bags in the downstairs bath instead of taking them to the dumpster. I'm doing good to wash a spoon by hand so I can eat ice cream.
Nothing is getting done until it is a crisis. Cant focus to read. Cant even focus to play bingo on FB. I find myself zoning out and losing my place.
I'm just NOT HERE mentally and I have not been. That was a huge part of the problem I had at work. I'm not here mentally so I cant focus or remember anything.
Had a horrible dream this morning. Dreamed I was working as a checker for a grocery store. I have actually done that. In the dream I kept making mistakes. Stupid mistakes. And they told me that they wanted me to be comfortable with the job but I needed to be there mentally and it didnt seem like I was.
When I woke up my anxiety level was all over the place and my confidence was nonexistent. I had already been worried that maybe I couldnt do that job. The dream made it worse. I ended up calling them and telling them I had a family emergency and wouldnt be back till Tuesday. I'm supposed to call them Monday afternoon to see if I can reschedule.
The reason I cant do the meeting on Monday is I am putting my car in the shop. Having some problems with it and I really dont like to be driving it right now.
Jobs-I need to go to the college and get my transcripts. It's absolutely necessary. I keep not doing it.
There are some forms I need to print out but I dont have a printer on my laptop. I need to either email them to a friend and have her print them out or go to the library and use one of the computers they have. I keep not doing it.
One job requires me to take some kind of test but it cant be done with Chrome-which is what I have. I need to go to the library and do it there. I keep not doing it.
My apt is a disaster area. I need to be packing and cleaning etc getting ready to move. I keep putting the garbage bags in the downstairs bath instead of taking them to the dumpster. I'm doing good to wash a spoon by hand so I can eat ice cream.
Nothing is getting done until it is a crisis. Cant focus to read. Cant even focus to play bingo on FB. I find myself zoning out and losing my place.
I'm just NOT HERE mentally and I have not been. That was a huge part of the problem I had at work. I'm not here mentally so I cant focus or remember anything.
Replies
and I very much feel the need for a hug, some cuddling, quiet companionship.